


i don't know how to breathe in the place i called home

by fallingforboys



Series: finding the ethereal ghosts in the ruins of your self-destruction [1]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Derek Hale & Theo Raeken Friendship, Good Theo Raeken, Hurt Theo Raeken, Liam Dunbar is Theo Raeken's Anchor, M/M, McCall Pack, Nightmares, Puppy Pack (Teen Wolf), Scott McCall & Theo Raeken Friendship, Scott is a Good Friend, Theo Raeken & Brett Talbot Friendship, Theo Raeken & Stiles Stilinski Friendship, Theo Raeken Needs a Hug, Theo Raeken is Liam Dunbar's Anchor, Theo Raeken is Part of the Pack, Theo Raeken-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-21
Packaged: 2021-03-23 12:41:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 31,346
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30055623
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallingforboys/pseuds/fallingforboys
Summary: Theo guessed that it was pretty funny, if he took a moment to think about it.Never in his life had he expected to be sitting in Scott’s McCall’s living room on a worn-down armchair with the entire pack debating whether he was going to turn evil again, but here he was, sitting in Scott McCall’s living room with the entire pack debating whether he was going to turn evil again.
Relationships: Liam Dunbar/Theo Raeken, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Series: finding the ethereal ghosts in the ruins of your self-destruction [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2217753
Comments: 66
Kudos: 206





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, before we get into the fic, I just wanted to thank all of you guys
> 
> I noticed a couple of days ago that I have 50 subscribers on here, which is _insane_ , and I honestly can't thank you guys enough. I really only started writing Thiam on here two months ago, and I can't believe how many people read these fics and _enjoy_ them, I really can't. Thank you to everyone who subscribed, everyone who reads these fics, and comments, and leaves kudos, and really, reading your guys' comments make my day, and really make me wanna keep writing! I appreciate everyone who does, and I know I've said this probably a million times already, but _thank you_.
> 
> seriously, thank you❤️
> 
> also quick possible trigger warning: Theo uses pain as a way to ground himself, digging his claws into his palm. It's less of a punishment, and more of an anchor, but I just wanted to add the warning just in case
> 
> okay, if you read all that, thank you again, and now, onto the fic!

Theo guessed that it was pretty funny, if he took a moment to think about it. 

Never in his life had he expected to be sitting in Scott’s McCall’s living room on a worn-down armchair with the entire pack debating whether he was going to turn evil again, but here he was, sitting in Scott McCall’s living room with the entire pack debating whether he was going to turn evil again.

He couldn’t even say that it felt like he was on trial, because the McCall pack was the most uncoordinated, informal group he’d ever seen. And though all the chemosignals floating around the room were making him a little lightheaded, Theo pushed them to the side and sat there, because, well, he didn’t really have a _choice_.

“Did you just _forget_ everything he did?” Stiles hissed, and Theo’s eyes flickered over to him. The human was clearly pissed, his eyes narrowed and cheeks red from indignation. He was glaring at the other side of the room where, to Theo’s surprise, the people _defending_ him were. In some absurd turn of events, pretty much all of the younger pack members were supporting Theo, and Theo was trying not to show how much that affected him. And he didn’t even know _what_ he did that left such an impression on them.

“ _No_ ,” Liam growled, shaking off Mason’s hand on his shoulder when the human tried to get the beta to calm down a little bit. “But he’s _changed_ , Stiles. And he’s not gonna go back to being evil, he’s not _like_ that anymore.”

Stiles turned to Theo, who returned his glare with a blank look. “How do you know that, huh? Did he _tell_ you?” he snapped, looking back at Liam and the rest of the Puppy Pack. “Just like everything else he _told_ us last year when he was trying to _kill Scott?_ ”

Theo flinched slightly at the brutal reminder of his actions last year, as the two sides kept going back and forth. Unfortunately for him, Scott had been watching him carefully, from where he was standing against the other wall of the room, in between the two sides, like some sort of judge— that was nineteen years old and looked _far_ too weary to be dealing with this right now— and noticed the way Theo’s guilt spiked for a split-second before he could tamp down on his chemosignals. Scott’s expression was unreadable, and Theo clenched his jaw and looked away, and somehow, his gaze landed on Liam.

“You’re not even gonna _try_ to defend yourself?” Liam asked him in disbelief, apparently taking a brief pause from attacking Stiles. 

Theo raised an eyebrow. “Why try when no one will believe me anyway?” and he had meant it to be a joke, but the words came out a lot quieter than he had wanted them to be, and the room fell silent. 

“Where did you go after the Ghost Riders?” Scott asked, and now Theo _did_ feel like he was on trial, because the entire pack was staring at him, half wary and irritated, half hesitant but pleading. Pleading that Theo wouldn’t say anything that would nullify everything they’d said about him so far. Theo wondered why they hadn’t done this back _then_ , right after the Ghost Riders, instead of _now_ , after the war.

“I didn’t leave,” Theo stated bluntly, and the noise in the room started rising again until Scott cut them all off.

“ _Where_ did you go, Theo?” Scott repeated, and Theo felt his head automatically tilt down at the subtle _alpha_ power that had seeped into his words. He bit down on his tongue and forced his head up, and Scott looked a little surprised— either that he had unknowingly used his alpha influence, or that it had _worked_ on _Theo_.

“ _Nowhere_ ,” Theo snapped, “I was here, okay? I don’t know what else you want me to say, Scott.”

“Did you ever go back to the tunnels?” Argent asked gruffly, and Theo stiffened. If they were even _asking_ , that meant they already knew. Which meant that Theo couldn’t even lie, despite his ability to control his heartbeat. 

“Yes.”

Stiles _jumped_ on that _immediately_. “I _told_ you guys he was hiding somethi—”

“It’s not what you think,” Theo interjected, avoiding the pack’s searching eyes. 

“Can you blame us?” Lydia questioned softly, and Theo dug his blunt nails into his thighs. “Why’d you go back, Theo?”

Theo’s eyes darted to where the Puppy Pack was anxiously watching him, noticed the way Liam was holding his breath, and how Mason and Corey looked so _scared_ , scared that he’d say something _wrong_ , and how Brett’s lips were pursed, and how Nolan and Lori’s eyes were wide as they stared. He noticed all of it in a split-second before moving his eyes back to Scott. 

“It’s not what you think,” Theo said again, because it _wasn’t_ , but he didn’t want to tell what it _was._

“So what is it, then?” Malia snarled viciously. “Realized saving people isn’t as _fun_ as killing them? Or that now you have _everything_ the Dread Doctors left beh—”

“Shut _up_!” Theo growled, standing up, and the pack shifted, ready to break up the fight that looked like it was more and more likely to happen. “I had _no_ reason to help you guys with the war, I had _no_ reason to _stay_ in this _shithole_ , but I _did_. If I was trying to kill everyone, don’t you think I _would’ve_ already by now?”

Scott stepped in between Theo and Malia, giving his girlfriend a look that Theo knew meant _calm down_. “Then why’d you go back?” the alpha asked gently, turning back to Theo. Scott’s way of instantly _diffusing_ the tension used to annoy the _fuck_ out of Theo, but he found himself appreciating it more and more recently. 

“I—” Theo flicked out one of his claws and pushed it into his palm until he felt it break his skin, using the pain to ground himself. “Can’t I have my secrets?”

“No,” Stiles barked, and to Scott’s credit, the alpha looked a little guilty even though he clearly agreed with his best friend. “You don’t get to have _secrets_ when you _killed_ Scott.”

The claw pressed deeper into his hand, and Theo heard a quiet gasp.

“Theo, what are you _doin_ —”

Theo cut Liam off. “The Doctors had records, of everyone they… of everyone they called failures. I was—” More claws dug into his palm, and the hot, sticky smell of his blood was clogging up Theo’s throat now, but he gritted his teeth and continued. “I was looking for a file of someone I used to know.”

The silence was worse than the accusations.

“Who?” Lydia’s voice was sharp, but there was a hint of something _else_ under it, and it just made Theo feel _worse_. He didn’t deserve pity, _especially_ from _them_.

“You guys don’t— don’t know him,” Theo managed to rasp out. He could feel his skin on his hand trying to close around his claws, and he’d learnt a long time ago that pain was only as bad as you let it be, so he didn’t pull them out. He _wanted_ the pain, _wanted_ to feel his body trying to heal while Theo didn’t let it. 

“Theo,” Melissa’s voice was so _soft_ , and Theo’s breath hitched as he squeezed his eyes shut. He had _murdered_ her _son_ , and here she was, her voice like _that_ , and he _hated_ it. “What happened?”

Theo almost _snorted_ , somehow managing to hold it back at the last second. But judging from Scott’s sympathetic expression, he had been obvious enough. “He died.”

The pack had various emotions on their faces, but Theo didn’t take the time to sort through all of it. He’d known that the pack didn’t trust him, probably _never_ would, and that was _fine_ , but this was something that was supposed to be _his_ , and he can _understand_ why Stiles said he didn’t deserve to have secrets, but it still _hurt_ that they hadn’t _believed_ him when he said it wasn’t what they thought it was. It _shouldn’t_ hurt, he didn’t _deserve_ the benefit of the doubt, but it still did.

“What was his nam—”

“The next time you guys wanna follow me,” Theo cut Corey off, his voice suddenly hard, “Just let me know before, so I make sure I don’t do anything evil. Wouldn’t want you finding out about _that_ , would we?”

Scott winced perceptibly, but Theo ignored it and pulled his claws out of his hand, feeling the holes close up almost immediately. 

“Don’t worry, I’m just going back to my apartment,” Theo spat out, pulling his keys out of his pocket. “Not planning on killing anyone tonight.”

“ _Theo_ —”

Theo didn’t wait to hear what Liam was going to say, just pulled open the front door and walked out. 

Leaving again, like he always did.

\---

Theo couldn’t sleep. 

Not that that wasn’t _normal_ ; Theo’d be lucky if he could close his eyes for more than two hours without gasping awake. But it was worse than it usually was tonight, for obvious reasons. He stared up, squinting his eyes to try and make out random shapes in the stippled ceiling as he let his mind wander off.

He couldn’t believe he even _had_ a ceiling to look up at, but apparently despite the McCall pack’s obvious wariness when it came to him, they still stuck him in an apartment free of rent in Derek’s building when they found out he was homeless a month ago. Even _Stiles_ hadn’t protested, and before Theo knew it, he had an entire _apartment_ to himself. 

Not that it helped in any way with his nightmares. 

( _“Does this make us friends?”_

_Theo stared at their connected fingers in between the two operation tables, and moved his eyes up to the boy who was already staring at him._

_“No.”_

_The boy’s lips quirked up slightly, despite the pain Theo knew was coursing through him, because well, it was coursing through_ him _too. “Are you always this antisocial, or just with me?”_

 _“This isn’t a_ game _,” Theo snarled, because this boy was_ new _, he didn’t know what it was like, living with the Doctors, satisfying their every whim, because there was nothing else he_ could _do, and so he did,_ had _been doing for the last two years, before this boy showed up. “You’re not the first kid they’ve brought in, and you’re not gonna be the last, so shut_ up _.”_

 _The boy’s amusement didn’t fade even for a second, and Theo was dumbfounded. “You’re a little rough around the edges, aren’t you?” he asked Theo, and Theo didn’t even know_ how _to respond to that. “And I’m pretty sure I’m older than you, so I should be the one calling_ you _kid.” The boy paused for a moment before smirking. “Kid.”_

 _A snort left Theo’s mouth before he could stop himself, and the boy next to him squeezed his hand once, twice,_ three _times as he grinned._ )

Theo pushed himself off the bed, padding down the horribly-designed staircase to the kitchen. His limbs moved on their own— pulling open a cabinet to grab a glass, pushing the tap up to fill it with water, leaning against the counter and letting the cold marble on the thin sliver of his back ground him.

His hand shook a little as he put the glass down, but Theo ignored it.

( _“You know, I think I’ve seen you smile like,_ twice _since I came here,” Sebastian drawled, and Theo looked up from where he was wrapping a bandage around the other boy’s shin to find him staring intently at Theo._

 _“Nothing to smile about,” Theo muttered as he kept working, and then Sebastian started shaking, and Theo looked up alarmed, but he was_ laughing _._

 _“You sound like the brooding asshole in those stupid teen movies,” the other boy snickered, “And you’re_ eleven _.”_

_Theo pressed a little harder than necessary on Sebastian’s wound, and the boy yelped, grabbing Theo’s hand instinctively. “Shut up.”_

_“Is this normal?” Sebastian asked, and Theo didn’t have to look at him to know he was talking about the surgeries and the experiments that tended to fall under torture more than science._

_“Yes,” Theo murmured as he finished, pulling away from the other boy and leaning back against the wall behind him. “At least they didn’t cut your stomach open this time.”_

_Sebastian was watching him carefully, Theo could_ feel _his eyes on the side of his face. “I’m starting to get why you’re so moody all the time.”_

_“I’m not moody,” Theo snapped, and Sebastian’s lips curled up. Theo faltered when his heart skipped a beat. But Sebastian wasn’t trained yet, and he didn’t pick up on it._

_“What do you call this, then?” Sebastian gestured to Theo’s outfit, which was, like always, black from head to toe. “Face it, Theo, you’re moody. Own up to it though, it kind of suits you.”_

_Theo dropped his head down before Sebastian could see the way his cheeks turned pink._

_And the way they darkened when he felt him squeeze his hand once, twice,_ three _times._ )

Theo heard a car engine rumbling in the distance, and he sighed before pushing away from the counter with his hips and leaving the kitchen and dropping down on the couch that looked like it had been through a few wars— cushions tattered with a few holes and some _questionable_ stains that Theo didn’t want to think about. But it was the only one he had, and Theo wasn’t complaining when a month ago, his bed, couch, and dining table had all been his truck.

( _“Seb, we’re supposed to be_ watching _, not goofing off,” Theo hissed at the boy who was pulling a tacky straw hat that should honestly be_ illegal _over his head._

_“Lighten up, T,” Seb said, pulling on Theo’s arm until the chimera huffed and let him drag him towards the long mirror a few feet away from them. Theo glared at the other boy in the mirror, but Seb just grinned and placed an identical hat on Theo’s head. “Now we’re twinning.”_

_Theo reached up to pull the_ horrendous _hat off his head, but Seb grabbed his hands and pulled them down by his side, stepping up behind Theo. “Look in the mirror, T.” Theo was now using all his control to monitor his heartbeat, but he followed Seb’s instructions. “You’re thirteen, and I’m fourteen. We’re supposed to be stupid teenagers, but we’re not. So can we just pretend we are for a little bit?”_

 _Seb’s fingers were still tangled with Theo’s, and Theo’s gaze roamed Seb’s face in the mirror. Despite the small grin on his face, it didn’t reach Seb’s eyes, and Theo squeezed the other boy’s hand once, twice,_ three _times. Seb lit up, his smile widening, and Theo let his lips quirk up in response._

_“Let’s go get ice cream,” Seb called out as he pulled his hat off and put it back on the shelf, and Theo rolled his eyes as he did the same._

_“I don’t like ice cream.”_

_“You don’t like anything, your opinion doesn’t count,” Seb retorted._

_I like_ you _, were the words Theo didn’t say out loud, but he didn’t bite back the smile that took over his face as Seb grabbed his hand and pulled him out of the store._ )

Theo didn’t know how much time had passed since he had collapsed on the couch, but he didn’t care enough to check. He was flicking out his claws one by one, then retracting them. 

He’d been awake for almost sixty hours straight at this point, but sleep didn’t come to him, and Theo just slumped back into the couch, his claws dropping and retracting over and over and over again.

( _“We’re old enough, T,” Seb snarled quietly. “Do you really wanna be stuck here forever? With_ them? _”_

 _“We_ can’t _leave,” Theo snapped, and they’ve gotten in fights before, but none as big as this. “They’ll_ kill _us, Seb. They’ll find us, and kill us, no matter_ where _we go.”_

 _Seb huffed, throwing his arms out to the side. “So we’ll_ hide _. Between the both of us, we can figure something out, you_ know _we can. Why are you so scared to leave?”_

 _“Because I don’t want to_ die _,” Theo growled, his claws dropping._

 _“You already_ are _,” Seb said quietly, and Theo faltered. “Staying with them is_ killing _you, killing_ us. _You don’t think I notice how you always shrink into yourself after you come back from another mission they send you out on? And it’s always_ you _, and I_ hate _it. We_ can’t _stay, T.”_

 _Theo looked up at Seb, who moved closer when he saw Theo’s expression. “Run away with me,” Seb murmured, one of his hands taking one of Theo’s, while the other moved up to Theo’s face, his thumb rubbing his cheekbone. “We can start over, we can be_ different _.”_

 _Theo’s heart stuttered, and he swallowed the lump in his throat. “Okay,” he agreed softly, squeezing Seb’s hand once, twice,_ three _times. “Okay.”_

 _Seb’s eyes brightened, and he squeezed back._ )

Theo could see the beginnings of the sunrise outside the floor-to-ceiling windows, and he closed his eyes and exhaled slowly. His muscles ached from the awkward position he had settled into on the couch, but he didn’t move. 

The sounds from other apartments filled his ear as the morning crept closer. Footsteps, the sound of coffee being poured into a mug, water running in the sink, Theo let all of it crowd his head until he felt the beginnings of a headache.

( _Theo rushed into the dimly-lit room, because something was_ wrong _, he could_ feel _it in his bones, and he couldn’t stop the whine that left his throat when he saw the body in the middle of the room._

 _“_ Seb! _” Theo was by his side in a split-second, dropping down to his knees. “Seb, what happened?”_

 _Seb didn’t move, and Theo’s heart sank until he realized he could still hear his heartbeat. It was faint, but it was_ there _._

_“Seb,” Theo repeated, pushing aside the other boy’s hair, matted with blood and a silver liquid that had Theo’s pulse skipping. “Seb, wake up. You need to wake up.”_

_Theo’s head swiveled around the room, trying to find_ anything _that could help Seb, but the room was completely_ empty _, and that should’ve raised Theo’s suspicions, but he was too caught up in Seb to think clearly. Suddenly, Seb twitched, and Theo’s eyes snapped down to see Seb’s eyes open slowly._

 _“Seb, what_ happened? _” Theo asked, and he’s been with the Doctors for_ years _now, but his brain was just_ static _now, all his training and knowledge_ gone _as he stared down at the other boy._

 _“Fail...ure,” Seb rasped out, and Theo’s stomach_ rolled _. No,_ no _. “S’okay, T.”_

 _“No,_ no _, it’s_ not _,” Theo pleaded, taking Seb’s hand in his. “Seb,_ no _.”_

_“They’ll… be back soon,” Seb gasped, and Theo could feel his eyes burning. “You need… go.”_

_Theo’s breath caught in his throat. “No, Seb, you’ll be okay, we need to get out of here. Can you stand u—”_

_“Theo.” Seb’s quiet voice stopped Theo’s rambling, and Seb’s lips tilted up softly at Theo’s panicked expression. “S’too late for… me. But not… for you.”_

_“I’m not_ leaving _you—”_

 _Seb cut him off. “Does this make us friends?” Theo stared down at their intertwined hands, and his chest_ twisted _. Seb’s first words to him._

_“Seb—”_

_“Go, T.”_

_“_ No _,” Theo’s voice was on the edge of_ whimpering _, but he couldn’t help it anymore. Seb wasn’t even_ fifteen _, he doesn’t deserve to_ die _._

_A gentle smile pulled at Seb’s lips, and the silver liquid was dripping out of the corner of his mouth now, and Theo could feel the tears on his cheeks._

_Seb squeezed his hand once, twice—_

_“_ No! _” Theo screamed, “_ Seb, _wake up, wake_ up! _” Electricity crackled in the air, and Seb’s body was ripped away from him, and Theo screamed and_ screamed _, but there was no point._

 _Seb was gone._ )

\---

Theo stumbled out of the bathroom, making his way down the stairs as he muttered, “I’m coming, for fuck’s sake.”

The knocking got more persistent, and Theo threw open the front door, freezing when he met Scott’s eyes.

“Picked that up from Stiles?” Theo asked sarcastically, in reference to his incessant knocking, and Scott looked a little sheepish as he walked in.

“Sorry, I just—” Scott’s eyes narrowed as he looked at Theo in the kitchen. “Are you okay?”

Theo stilled for a moment before continuing to grab a mug from the cabinet for his coffee. “I’m fine,” he said bluntly. “Why are you here?”

Scott studied him for a few moments, and Theo tried his best to ignore his eyes on him. “You look a little—”

“Scott.” Irritation crept into Theo’s voice, because it was too _early_ to deal with this, and the alpha stared at him for another second before sighing and dropping it.

“Argent got a call,” Scott said, and Theo’s brow rose. “Monroe wiped out a pack about fifty miles from here. Well, everyone but one werewolf, and he’s just a _kid_ , and Argent said he’s been staying with one of his hunter allies for the last two weeks, but I don’t want to leave him there, and—”

“Scott.”

The alpha stopped rambling, his mouth parted, and he let out a humorless huff. “You up for a small road trip?”

Theo paused, bringing the mug he was holding down and putting it on the counter. “Just you?”

“And Stiles.” Scott snickered at the way Theo’s face immediately twisted, but the smile dropped quickly, and his expression turned serious. “Speaking of Stiles, about yesterday—”

“You don’t owe me anything, Scott,” Theo sighed out, turning to put his mug in the sink, still half-full.

“But we shouldn’t have accused you—”

“You don’t owe me a _goddamn_ thing,” Theo repeated, grinding his teeth together. “When are we leaving?”

Scott looked like he wanted to argue, but Theo glared at him until he sighed. “In a few hours.”

“I’ll meet you at your house,” Theo said, “I’m driving.”

Scott nodded, like he had expected it, which took Theo by surprise, but he didn’t say anything. “We should be back by tomorrow, if everything goes to plan.”

“How old is this kid anyway?” Scott’s jaw clenched, and Theo waited patiently as Scott’s anger slowly ebbed.

“Fourteen.”

Theo stiffened. He could see why Scott was pissed now. 

“And his _entire_ pack—”

Scott jerked a nod, and Theo exhaled heavily. “Okay. I’ll be there soon.” Scott breathed out, giving him a small wave as he walked out of the apartment. 

Fourteen, Jesus _christ_. Even Liam was older than that when Scott bit him. Not by _much_ , but still. 

By the time Theo pulled up to the McCall house, the driveway was filled and the road was lined with cars, and Theo groaned internally. They were going on a _one_ day trip, why did the _entire_ pack have to be here? The front door opened and Scott poked his head out.

“Hey, Theo, come in, we’re almost ready to go, but Stiles is still looking for…” Scott turned into the house before looking back at Theo with a puzzled expression on his face. “I don’t know what he’s looking for. But you don’t have to wait in your truck.”

Theo _wanted_ to wait in his truck, but Scott made it sound more like a gentle demand rather than a question, so Theo killed the engine and made his way inside. The living room quieted down when Theo entered, and he rolled his eyes before spinning on his heel.

“I’ll be in the truck.”

Scott put a hand on his shoulder and turned him back around before Theo even took a step, and lightly pushed him into the room. “No.”

Theo pinched the bridge of his nose before leaning back against the wall, intent on ignoring everyone in the room. Unfortunately, the Puppy Pack seemed to have a different idea.

“Dude, did you see the new COD game coming out?” Liam asked him, excitement on his face as he moved next to him, and Theo gave him a dry look.

“No.”

Brett groaned from his place next to Nolan. “Just humor him, Theo, _please_ , he won’t shut up about it.”

Theo’s lips quirked up as Liam flipped Brett off.

“Did I complain when you called me at two in the morning last week to rant about Nolan? No, I didn’t,” Liam retorted, and Brett’s cheeks darkened. “So shut up.”

Theo snorted, and Liam nudged his arm gently. “Are you okay?”

Theo stiffened slightly, suddenly _very_ aware that everyone was looking at him, even if they were trying to make it seem like they weren’t. “I’m fine.”

“You know we didn’t believe it, right?” Liam continued, gesturing at the Puppy Pack, and all of them nodded frantically. “We know you’re not like that.”

“Let it go, Liam,” Theo muttered. He dropped a claw and dug it into his palm, the sudden pinch keeping him grounded. 

Scott walked back into the room, Stiles in tow. “Okay, let’s go.”

Theo took the out for what it was, and pushed off the wall and was out the door before Liam or anyone else could stop him. 

Scott opened the passenger door as Stiles slid into the backseat, and Theo turned the keys, the truck rumbling as it started. 

“You know that’s not healthy, right?” Stiles suddenly said as Theo pulled away from the house, and Theo turned slightly to see the human looking at his palm. Which was still covered in blood. 

“Why do you care?” Theo mumbled, grabbing a tissue from the door as he kept one hand on the wheel. 

“Theo—”

“It works,” Theo cut Scott off, “I don’t really give a fuck what you guys think about it.”

Theo could sense the look exchanged between Scott and Stiles, but he couldn’t be bothered to try and decipher it. 

\---

“So you’re a werewolf, but also a coyote?” Alec asked Theo, his eyes wide. “That’s so _cool_.”

Theo clenched his jaw at the kid’s enthusiasm because it was _seven_ in the morning, and he saw Scott hiding a smile in his coffee across from him. Stiles crossed his arms and slumped back into the diner seat next to Scott. 

“Yeah, it was pretty cool when he was using it to try and kill all of us,” Stiles grumbled, and Scott gave his best friend a disapproving look. Theo thought that would be enough to get the young werewolf off his case, but apparently _not_. Alec looked between Stiles and Theo for a moment.

“Are you still trying to kill them?” 

Theo couldn’t hold back his snort. “No.”

Stiles mocked his answer sarcastically, but Alec ignored him completely, turning in the booth to face Theo. “Okay. Can you full-shift?”

Theo blinked at how quickly the werewolf had let that go. What the _fuck_. “Ye—”

“So do you have the head of a coyote and the body of a wolf? Or is it the other way around? Or is it completely different, like the legs of a coyote and everything else is a wol—”

“Jesus _christ_ ,” Theo muttered, and Scott didn’t even try to hide his wide grin anymore. Even Stiles looked a little amused, and Theo was on the verge of slamming his head on the table to get out of this conversation. “I shift into a wolf, a _regular_ wolf.”

Alec looked a little disappointed. “Oh, that sucks.” But a split-second later, he perked up again, and Theo held back a groan. “Can you cross mountain ash?”

Theo paused, his eyebrow raising as he looked at Alec. Apparently the kid was smarter than he had originally thought. Even Scott and Stiles looked surprised, because that wasn’t something most people put together when they first hear about chimeras. 

“Yeah, I can,” Theo said slowly, “Why?”

“That’s so _cool_ ,” Alec repeated, but Theo was a _little_ less annoyed than before. Despite Alec’s never-ending questions, he was clearly smarter than he let on. And Theo could respect that. 

Alec fell asleep on Stiles’ shoulder on the ride home, and Theo smirked at Stiles’ miffed expression.

“Having fun back there?”

Stiles glared at him in the rearview mirror. “Fuck off.”

Theo took a sharp right turn, and Alec’s head fell into Stiles’ lap. Stiles groaned, and Theo grinned. Scott gave him a chastising look, but he didn’t say anything. 

“Whose file were you looking for in the tunnels?”

Theo’s grip tightened on the wheel at Stiles’ question, and Scott looked concerned. “Stiles, maybe this isn’t the time—”

“M’fine,” Theo murmured, even though he really _wasn’t_. “Still think I’m trying to kill all of you?” he asked Stiles, his voice a little louder, and Stiles scoffed.

“You ask that like I’m crazy for thinking it,” Stiles snapped. “For all we know, you were looking for whoever it was so you could kill him.”

Theo’s hand jerked, and Scott’s hand flew to the wheel, straightening it quickly. “ _Stiles_ —”

“I don’t know if you remember,” Theo said quietly— trying not to think about the chemosignals that Scott was probably getting from him right now— and pushed Scott’s hand off the wheel, “But he’s already _dead_. So _no_ , I wasn’t trying to find his file to kill him. I was trying to find his file to see if the Doctors wrote down where they took his body after _they_ killed him so I can bury him. So then _maybe_ he can at least get _some_ closure.” 

Theo’s voice had risen in volume by the end of his rant, and the bitter words echoed in the small space.

The truck was silent the rest of the way to Beacon Hills, and Theo was grateful that Alec slept through all of it, because he would _not_ have been able to deal with the overeager werewolf. Stiles didn’t push him after Theo had said what he did, and Theo _knew_ it was because of Scott, and not for the first time, Theo found himself appreciating the alpha’s kindness. Not that he _deserved_ it, but Scott’s compassion apparently had no bounds, even towards someone who had quite literally _killed_ him. 

When Theo pulled up to Scott’s house, Stiles pushed the door open before Theo had even parked, and Alec blinked open his eyes groggily. 

“Hey, Alec, follow Stiles in, okay? He’ll introduce you to the pack,” Scott said, his voice making it clear that Theo wouldn’t get out of this, no matter how much he wanted to. Alec nodded slowly before hopping out of the truck and slamming the door harder than necessary. Theo sighed when he heard a hoarse _sorry_ from the werewolf. And then it was just Scott and Theo.

“Scott, you don’t need t—”

“I can’t say that I wasn’t suspicious when I found out,” Scott interrupted him, “Because I _was_. And I don’t know what you’ve said to the Puppy Pack but it’s obvious that they trust you. And after what you said that night, I believe them. That you’ve changed.”

Theo’s heart twinged. “You trust too easily.”

Scott let out a humorless laugh. “I know. But I don’t think you’re the bad guy, Theo. Not anymore.”

“You want to know who he was,” Theo declared more than asked after a couple of seconds, because the alpha was obvious, even when he was trying not to be. 

Scott cocked his head, giving him a look that Theo couldn’t really place. “I want to know who he was to _you_.”

Theo’s breath hitched, and there was _no_ way in hell that Scott _didn’t_ catch the way Theo’s heart skipped a beat before he regained control. “It doesn’t matter, he’s dead,” Theo said curtly after a few moments, a few moments too late, because the words sounded stilted, out of place. 

“It matters,” Scott coaxed gently. Theo’s clawed fingers drummed erratically on his thigh, and he felt Scott follow the movement with his eyes. 

“Friend,” Theo finally said, and he could hear the word come out of his mouth, but it didn’t feel like it was _him_ saying it, his voice sounding detached, “Or more, or _something_. The only other person the Doctors kept around for more than a few months. Doesn’t matter now.”

Theo could sense the sympathy drifting off the alpha, but he didn’t lift his head to look at him. Theo hadn’t talked about Sebastian since he died, had kept that memory to himself, because that’s all he _was_. Theo didn’t have _anything_ that belonged to Sebastian, it was like he hadn’t even _existed_ , because that’s what the Doctors _did_. They declared them a failure, then wiped them off the planet. It’s also why he went back to the tunnels— Theo wanted to find _something_ , _anything_ that could give Sebastian the closure he deserved. But if the Doctors were something, they were meticulous, and Theo’s hope had died down after he spent hours scouring file after file in the operating lab underground. 

“It matters, Theo,” Scott repeated, placing a hand on Theo’s shoulder, and Theo hated how much it _helped_ , hated how much Scott still exuded _alpha_ , even with _Theo_. “If you want to go back to the tunnels to keep looking fo—”

“No.” Theo’s blunt interjection took Scott by surprise, but Theo just stared at the wheel, refusing to look over. “There’s nothing there, there’s no point.”

Scott exhaled slowly. “I know you’re not used to it, but we’re here for you, Theo, if you let us,” the alpha voiced softly. “We can help you look.”

“There’s nothing _left_ ,” Theo snarled, digging his claws into his palm. “There’s nothing to _look_ for, Scott, so I don’t need _help_. Just… just _go._ ”

Theo felt a hand on his arm, and he was too stunned to stop Scott from pulling his claws out of his palm. “You’re coming in with me.”

“No.”

“Alec likes you,” Scott noted, letting go of Theo’s arm. “And he’d probably appreciate a familiar face.”

“Too fucking bad,” Theo retorted, and Scott sighed, pulling the keys out of the ignition and pocketing them before Theo could stop him. “Give them _back_.”

Scott ignored him and pushed open the door, and Theo really couldn’t do anything but follow him, because he took his fucking _keys_. Theo didn’t remember Scott being this stubborn in fourth grade, but well, they’d _all_ changed since fourth grade. 

Alec, just like Scott had said, brightened when Theo entered the living room after Scott. “Theo, you didn’t tell me there’s _another_ chimera,” he pouted, and the pack turned to Theo, surprised. “And that he can turn _invisible_. Can _you_ turn invisible?”

Theo looked up, asking whatever god he could think of at the moment to grant him some patience. Scott snorted, pushing Theo towards Alec. Theo stumbled, but a hand snaked around his wrist to steady him, and he angled his head down to see Liam looking at him weirdly. But before he could figure out what it was, Alec nudged his leg.

“ _Can_ you?”

“ _No_ ,” Theo sighed out, rubbing his temples as he sat between Liam and Alec on the floor against the wall. “Do you know _any_ wolves or coyotes that can turn invisible?”

“Well, not really,” Alec said sheepishly, and Theo rolled his eyes, making a _there you go_ gesture with his hand. Liam moved a little closer, their shoulders now brushing, and Theo fought the shudder that threatened to run through him. 

“Alec said you let him start your truck,” Liam accused, and Theo’s eyes darted to Alec, who shifted a little guiltily. Theo _had_ let him start the truck in the morning, because the werewolf had been so fucking _antsy_ , so Theo sent him out with his keys, threatening him that if he did anything besides just _start_ the truck, he’d regret it. “You don’t let _anyone_ touch your keys.”

“Wait, really?” Alec asked, looking between Liam and Theo. “Why’d you give them to m—

“It’s not that big a deal,” Theo growled, and Alec snapped his mouth shut. “Liam’s exaggerating.”

“No, I’m _not_ ,” Liam whined, “You _never_ let me drive your truck.” The pack was silent, looking back and forth between Liam and Theo, and Theo felt like he was missing something, but he didn’t know _what._

“Because you’d _crash_ it,” Theo stated firmly, and Liam pouted. Theo quickly looked away, his eyes landing on Brett, who looked amused. 

“What are you smiling about?” Theo grumbled, and Brett’s smirk widened.

“Nothing,” the blond drawled, and Theo’s eyes narrowed, because that was _clearly_ a lie, but Brett just kept on smirking, not explaining anything.

The older pack had left the room, heading to the kitchen, and Theo’s keys left with them, so he resigned himself to his fate, tilting his head back to rest on the wall and closing his eyes. 

Liam leaned into him, and Theo _jumped_ , his eyes widening when he saw the phone the beta was holding up, their faces on the screen.

“What are you _doing?_ ” Theo hissed, but Liam just grinned before clicking the white button with his thumb.

“It’s a ‘Theo’s first official pack meeting’ picture,” Liam explained, sending the picture in the Puppy Pack group chat. “A momentous occasion like that needs to be documented, you know.”

“What the _fuck?_ ” Theo mumbled, and he heard everyone break out into snickers. “Were you dropped on your head as a child?”

Liam shoved him with a smirk, and Theo looked up to see Corey’s twinkling eyes. 

“I finally have a contact picture for you now,” the other chimera laughed, turning his phone around and Theo groaned at the zoomed-in picture of his face.

“I hate you guys,” Theo grumbled.

“No, you don’t,” Mason chimed in happily.

Theo wished he could argue with him.

\---

Theo’s eyes flew open. 

Blue eyes stared at him from inches away, and Theo _jerked_ , instinct taking over, but his hand didn’t make contact.

Theo’s eyes adjusted to the dark in a few blinks, and he took a deep breath when he recognized the figure now sitting on his bed.

“What the _fuck_ , Liam?”

“I went out for a run because I couldn’t sleep,” Liam said softly, and Theo’s heartbeat finally settled down from the _heart attack_ level it was at when he first woke up. “And you said I could come over, you gave me a key—”

“So you came in the _middle of the night?_ ” Theo stressed, and the corners of Liam’s mouth pulled down in a frown.

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“Well, I _could_ ,” Theo retorted. _For once_ , he added silently. 

Liam looked crestfallen, for some reason. “I’ll just go then,” the beta muttered, and Theo closed his eyes for a moment before sighing.

“Don’t be an idiot,” Theo said, sitting up properly next to Liam. He saw the beta pick at loose threads on the comforter, and he studied him for a few minutes quietly. “Why couldn’t you sleep?”

Liam’s jaw clenched, and he looked down, avoiding Theo’s eyes. “Same reason as always.”

Nightmares, then.

Theo stayed silent for a couple of moments. “Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

And Theo could understand that, so he didn’t push. He could smell the fear and anguish swirling off the beta, and his stomach rolled. Theo wanted it gone. “Did Brett get his shit together and ask Nolan out yet?”

Liam lifted his head in surprise, but Theo saw the gratitude hidden in his eyes. “No, not yet,” Liam said, a small grin on his lips. “Nolan started a bet with Mason on how long it’ll take.”

Theo snorted; that definitely sounded like something the ex-hunter would do. “And why can’t _he_ ask _Brett?_ ”

Liam shuffled back on the bed until his back was against the headboard, and Theo followed him after a second of hesitation. “He tried,” Liam paused, a smirk widening on his face. “Brett stopped him before he even got two words out and said _he_ has to be the one to ask him out.”

“They’re both dumbasses,” Theo commented, and Liam chuckled. Silence fell again, but it was comfortable, and something about _that_ made Theo _uncomfortable_. 

“Whose file were you looking for?” Liam asked quietly a while later, and Stiles had asked almost the _exact_ same thing last week, but it didn’t feel the same. Theo still tensed though, and Liam turned to look at him. 

“An old friend,” is all Theo said, and Liam stared at him without saying anything. His blue eyes were almost _electric_ in the dark, and Theo pulled his gaze away. “His name was Sebastian,” he added after a few minutes, and he didn’t know _why_ he was talking, he _shouldn’t_ be doing this, but his mouth kept moving, and Theo couldn’t _stop_. “He’s the only other person besides me that the Doctors kept with them for more than a couple of months. So, it was hard not to be friends. Especially when there was only _one_ other person you could talk to.”

Their shoulders were pressed together against the headboard, but Liam shifted, and Theo felt their legs press together. The touch… Theo didn’t want to use _that_ word, but it was _exactly_ that word, and there was something nerve wracking about that. 

“What was he like?” Liam questioned gently, and Theo couldn’t stop the small involuntary curl of his lips.

“He called me moody the day after we met,” Theo revealed, and Liam snickered. 

The beta nudged his arm, a grin on his face. “So that’s definitely a _Theo_ thing, then?”

Theo huffed, jabbing his elbow into Liam’s stomach. “Fuck off.”

Liam groaned and immediately retaliated, and the tense atmosphere dissolved as they went back and forth, finally stopping a few minutes later.

Theo exhaled slowly, tilting his head up to rest on the headboard and stared at the ceiling. A while after that, he felt a weight on his shoulder, and he looked down to see Liam’s head there, his eyes closed and his breathing steady. Theo stared at the beta for an indiscernible amount of time that was probably a few minutes past creepy, but it wasn’t like anyone would _know_. He finally pulled his head away, his eyes landing on his phone next to him, and something flashed in his head. 

This was a _horrible_ idea, Theo told himself, even as if he reached for his phone. But Liam had done the same thing to him last week, hadn’t he? Granted, Theo had been _awake_ , so this was slightly weirder, but _still_. 

Momentous occasions need to be documented, Liam had said that day, and Theo swiped to the camera before he could talk himself out of it. _What_ momentous occasion this was, Theo couldn’t answer, but it felt like it was _something_. 

The flash was a lot brighter than Theo had expected, and he froze, hoping Liam wouldn’t wake up, but by _some_ miracle, the beta stayed asleep. Theo turned the brightness on his phone all the way down, staring at the picture on his phone. 

Liam’s head was on Theo’s shoulder, and Theo had purposefully placed the phone to cut half his own face out of the picture, making Liam the focal point. It was a little grainy, but Theo could still see how _young_ Liam looked when he was sleeping, like he didn’t have the weight of the world on his shoulders, like he wasn’t worrying about the fact that every _day_ was a battle.

Theo threw his phone down, being careful not to jostle Liam in the process. And he had been dead certain that he wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep, but somehow, Theo felt his eyelids droop some time later, and he was powerless to stop himself from being pulled under into a dreamless sleep. 

\---

“Theo, can I talk to you for a minute?”

The pack turned to Scott, whose face revealed _nothing_ , and Theo felt his panic spike. 

“Why?” Liam asked suspiciously from beside him, and Scott shook his head quickly.

“No, no, it’s not bad,” the alpha rushed out, and Theo took a small breath. Despite his best intentions, Theo was helpless in stopping Scott from trying to be his _friend_ after the mini-road trip, and maybe part of him was _happy_ that his ex-childhood friend was slowly starting to be his _actual_ friend, but the _other_ part was also very aware that Stiles was very much _against_ it.

Theo stood up from the floor, ignoring the looks he was getting from the older pack and younger pack alike, and followed Scott out of the house, his mask falling into place immediately. “What hap—”

“I need your help,” Scott blurted out quickly, and Theo blinked, because he sounded _nervous_ , which was _insane_. 

“I— _what?_ ”

“I need your help,” Scott repeated, a little slower, “Malia’s birthday is tomorrow, and I’ve been so busy with Monroe and the hunters, and I haven’t had time to _get_ anything, and I’m a _horrible_ boyfriend, I _know_ , and I can’t even _think_ of anything—”

Theo’s mouth was parted in surprise as he listened to Scott ramble on and on. “Scott,” he finally cut the alpha off after it looked like he was turning a little purple from not breathing. “Why are you asking _me?_ ”

Scott paused, scratching the back of his neck. “Um, you and Malia, you’re both… well… you know, you’re both—”

“Coyotes?” Theo filled in dryly, even though all he could think at this point was just a repetition of _what the fuck, what the fuck, what the_ fuck. “You seem to be forgetting that she wants to kill me.”

“No, she doesn’t,” Scott protested instantly, but he faltered when Theo cocked a brow in disbelief. “It doesn’t matter, can you just help me think of something?”

Theo studied the alpha for a moment. “Why not Stiles?”

“I wanted your help.”

“Scott,” Theo sighed out heavily, pinching the bridge of his nose, “Why are you doing this?”

“ _Because_ ,” Scott said calmly, and Theo was a little taken aback, because he could _hear_ the irritation the alpha was trying to subdue, “You look like you’re on the verge of _death_. I can’t even tell if you’re _eating_ , I _know_ you’re not sleeping, because you look like you’re about to _pass out_ every time you come over.”

“Sco—”

“ _No_ ,” Scott interjected, and Theo was left gaping at the alpha as he continued his rant. “I’ve had _four_ people come up to me on separate occasions and asked me to talk to you, because you ignore them when they try to do _anything_ to help. There are people that _care_ , and you’re pushing them _away_.”

Theo stared frozen as Scott took a deep breath and watched as the red in his eyes slowly bled out. 

“Who—” Theo’s voice was hoarse, and he cleared his throat trying to get rid of the lump. “Who asked you to talk to me?”

Scott let out a sigh, his eyes flicking to his house. “I think that’s pretty obvious, Theo.”

So, the Puppy Pack. Theo felt something in his chest warm at the thought of people _noticing_ , of people _caring_ enough to ask Scott. His eyes burned for a moment, before he blinked it away. Theo stood there, and it felt like something had _snapped_ inside of him, because when was the last time someone had _cared?_ He knew the answer, of course, but that hurt too much to think about.

“What does she like?” Theo asked quietly after a few minutes. Scott’s brows furrowed as he turned towards him, and Theo swallowed the million other things that were running through his head, building up in his chest. “Malia,” he clarified, “What does she like?”

\---

Theo jumped when the back door of the clinic slammed open, and he frantically fumbled for the glass vial that slipped from his hands. When it was safely back on the lab table, he huffed, looking up.

“I know your situational awareness is _severely_ lacking, but could you at least _try_ to be a little le—”

Theo cut himself off when he processed that the person standing in front of him was definitely _not_ Liam. 

Malia stared back, and Theo opened his mouth once, twice, before looking back down at his notes on the table. “Deaton’s in the front.”

“I’m not here for Deaton.”

Theo stilled, trying to read the werecoyote’s chemosignals, but the only thing that he could process at the moment was the earthy scent that drew Theo to Malia in the _first_ place, back when he was with the Dread Doctors. The scent that told Theo _coyote_ , told him _pack_ , told him _this is what you were looking for_. But that was back then, and this was _now_.

“I’m working.”

Malia walked further into the room, hopping up on one of the counters, and Theo could see her claws poking out as she placed her hands on the edge. She was silent as Theo turned back to what he was doing before, intent on ignoring her, and it wasn’t _easy_ , but what the _fuck_ was he supposed to do? 

“You smell like Liam.” It wasn’t an _accusation_ , and Theo could hear the curiosity in her statement. And Theo whipped around quickly, showing her his back, before Malia could see his darkened cheeks. Liam had come over _again_ last night, and somehow fell asleep _minutes_ after he had, and Theo didn’t know _what_ to do about it. 

“We hang out sometimes,” Theo replied, keeping his voice neutral. Malia made a noise from behind him, and it _almost_ sounded like a snort. 

“So you just work back here alone like some sort of mad scientist?” Malia asked after a few minutes, and Theo _flinched_. His hand shook as he put his pen down, trying to get a hold on his chemosignals before they ran off, broadcasting his every thought to the werecoyote. He had a distinct feeling that it didn’t work.

Mad scientist meant Dread Doctor, and Malia _knew_ that. Theo _also_ knew that. 

“No,” Theo said, and the word left a bad taste in his mouth as it left, sounded equal parts jaded and bitter. _They’re evil mad scientists_ , Seb had said once when he was trying to convince Theo to leave, _and we will be soon if we don’t escape._

Theo’s scent _tanked_ before he could control it, and he ground his teeth together to try and pull himself together. His claw was out before he could even _blink_ , and the familiar feeling in his palm grounded him until he could _breathe_ again. 

“Is there something you wanted?” Theo questioned, wiping his hand off on a towel he grabbed from the counter as he finally turned back around to face the werecoyote. 

Malia was quiet, just continued studying him, and Theo wanted her to _stop_ , but he wasn’t really in any position to be calling the shots here. The skin on his palm had stitched itself back together, and it was _detestable_ lab behavior, Deaton would fire him _instantly_ , he _knew_ that, but he just picked up the pen again, eager to have _something_ to fidget with.

“Scott said you helped with his gift,” she finally said after a long, awkward silence. “Thanks.”

It didn’t sound _forced_ , but it didn’t sound _normal_ , uncertainty and their antagonistic past seeping into the words, tainting them with just a _hint_ of something that had Theo’s chest constricting. But Theo just waved it off, muttering “No problem” under his breath.

“You betrayed us,” Malia said suddenly, her voice hard, and Theo felt his claws poke out again, simply a _reflex_ at this point. “You used every single one of us, and tore us apart. _Almost_ tore us apart,” she added after a second. “I _trusted_ you, _everyone_ trusted you, and you took advantage of it.”

( _“You trust me, right?” Seb whispered in the dark room, “Cause I trust you.”_

_Theo’s brows furrowed. “Yeah, Seb, I trust you. Why ar—”_

_“Can you promise me something then?”_

_“Seb, what’s going on?” Theo asked, panic creeping into his voice, but Seb reached for his hand and squeezed it once, twice,_ three _times. “Seb—”_

_“Just promise that you’ll keep trusting me,” Seb interjected. “Promise me that you won’t stop.”_

_Theo’s breath hitched. “Seb—”_

_“I’ll always trust you, T,” Seb said quietly, and Theo could_ hear _the smile in his voice, and his chest warmed. “Cause you’re all I have left.”_

 _Theo was quiet for a few seconds. “You’re all I have left too,” he answered, just as softly, and he didn’t have to_ say _the words for Seb to understand what he meant._ )

“And by the end of it, it didn’t even _matter_ ,” Malia scoffed humorlessly. “Are you even _sorry?_ Do you even _care_ about _anything_ that you di—”

“I _am_ ,” Theo interrupted, his voice raspy. “But my apologies don’t really mean anything, do they? Nothing I can say will change what I did, what I _ruined_. And Scott—” Theo broke off, exhaling sharply. “Scott keeps trying to pretend I’m pack, but we both know I’m _not_ , and if that’s what you came here to tell me, _believe_ me, I _know_.”

Theo’s hand was red again, and Malia’s nose flared as the scent of blood filled the air. She cocked her head, her eyes narrowing in on his claws.

“You use pain as an anchor,” she said slowly, her eyes moving up to Theo’s face, and Theo clenched his jaw and looked away. Pain _was_ an anchor, helped him bring himself back to reality when he started getting lost in his head, but it wasn’t _his_ anchor. No, _his_ anchor was something else, and Theo didn’t have the courage to admit to himself what it was yet. Because there was no _point_ , not when he was _Theo_.

“Better that than nothing,” Theo replied stiffly, pulling his claws out with a sound that brought back some _visceral_ memories he wished he didn’t have. 

Malia stared at him, before jumping off the counter. “That’s not what I came here to tell you,” she declared, and it took Theo a moment to realize she was talking about what he said a few minutes earlier. “Pack dinner at Scott’s tonight,” Malia said bluntly, making her way towards the back door. “He said he’d come hunt you down if you don’t show.”

And with those final words, she walked out and left Theo gaping at the closed door, trying to process what the _fuck_ just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> umm, so I got really attached to Seb's character while I was writing, so I like definitely cried while writing his death scene, even though I knew he was going to die
> 
> thank you to everyone reading!


	2. Chapter 2

“So she’s using these attacks as a _distraction?_ ” Scott asked, his voice hard.

Derek’s eyes flickered to the alpha. “Kind of. It’s more like she’s—”

“Taunting.”

Stiles and Theo’s voices rang out in unison, and the rest of the pack turned to them in surprise, Derek’s eyebrow raising. Theo stiffened, glancing at Stiles once before pulling his eyes away and leaning back against the wall. The human’s lips pursed, but he didn’t say anything about Theo, for once. They had bigger problems to take care of at the moment.

“Taunting,” Derek confirmed after a moment, turning back to the map spread out on the table between them. “So far, all the attacks have been random. Last week, it was a rogue omega wandering around Preston territory, and two days ago, it was one of the Milton pack’s younger betas. She’s just killing as _many_ supernaturals she can get her hands on.”

Derek pointed to the areas Monroe had recently attacked, and Theo could feel the atmosphere suddenly drop in the room. The number of red stars on the map had just been _growing_ over the last few months, and it didn’t look like it was stopping anytime soon. Theo’s eyes darted from red mark to red mark, because this is what he was _good_ at, was what he _knew_ , he was _trained_ to find patterns, trained to _strategize_. Theo felt Liam shift next to him, could feel his eyes on his face, because Theo _knew_ Liam could tell he was onto something, but Theo ignored him, his mind _racing_ as his eyes moved across the map.

“She’s lost to your pack once,” Theo said slowly, his gaze unwavering as he stared at the words _Beacon Hills_ on the map. “She had the _whole_ town on her side, and she _lost_. Her plan of genocide is only _part_ of the reason she’s killing every supernatural she comes across,” he continued, thread weaving together the dots in his head, in and out, in and out. “Her hunters’ morale was low, was practically _gone_ , because they were forced to _run_ like _cowards_ out of here. If she didn’t show _results_ , she wouldn’t have _any_ support.”

“So it’s just a _game_ to her?” Brett asked harshly. “Kill as many supernaturals as you can, winner gets to be her prodigy?”

“Not completely,” Theo pushed off the wall, and Scott and Argent parted as he moved towards the map. “Look, _almost_ every place she’s attacked so far, it’s always been along pack territory lines. Here,” Theo tapped on one of the red stars, “Preston and Baldini. And these are all between Holland and Milton.” Theo looked up at Scott, whose mouth was parted as he gaped at the map. “My guess is that she’s set up some sort of base between almost _every_ pack in the area. And all these packs coexist peacefully, most even have alliances with each other. And she’s cutting them _off_ , she’s slowly circling around, attacking once, then pulling back, but she’s not _retreating_. She’s using—”

“Attrition.”

Theo turned to Stiles, whose eyes were hard as he stared back at him. “Attrition,” Theo agreed, and Stiles’ studied him for another second before nodding subtly. 

“She’s trying to exhaust their supplies, trying to block the alliances,” Stiles picked up the explanation for the ones who _hadn’t_ studied war tactics. Theo could feel the way some of the pack was looking between him and Stiles, and Theo was honestly having a hard time paying attention too. His chest twisted at how Stiles just _knew_ what he was talking about. How _easy_ it was to bounce their ideas back and forth. “She has morale now, but she doesn’t have the numbers, not anything _near_ what we have, so her strategy is to wear us down. Keep getting rid of supernaturals here and there, cut down numbers slowly, because she’s not going for efficiency here. She’s going for _genocide_.”

The room was hauntingly silent, the weight of Stiles’ words settling in their chests. Theo heard Liam’s pulse kick up and he angled his head, glancing at the beta, who was clearly having a hard time keeping his shift in check. Liam’s eyes met his, and a hint of gold bled into them, and Theo kept _looking_ , wordlessly saying _calm down_ , his eyes narrowing a little when Liam’s claws began to poke out. Theo cocked his head slightly, his brow raised as he kept _looking_ at Liam, and the beta looked _back_ , and it had probably only been seconds, but it felt like _minutes_ as Theo stared, and Liam stared, until Theo finally heard Liam’s heartbeat slowly settle, saw the way his claws retracted as Liam took a deep breath, saw the way the gold slowly faded back into blue. 

Theo looked away first, his jaw clenched as he turned back to the map, because he _knew_ what that meant, he _knew_ that _Liam_ knew what that meant. He felt eyes on him, and he lifted his head to see Stiles watching him, his mouth set in a straight line, but his eyes had always been telling, had always revealed his thoughts even when he was younger, and Theo could _see_ the analytical curiosity behind them. Theo turned away, tuning back into the conversation as Argent and Derek and Scott leaned over the map, pointing at pack territories and their best guesses at Monroe’s bases. 

It was too much to ask that Stiles would ignore the whole exchange, Theo learned a few days later, when he opened the door to find the human standing there, and Theo was _stunned_ at how _different_ his ex-friend was. Even _last year_ , he had carried himself differently, but now, Stiles’ soft edges had hardened. The hyperactive, playful boy had grown up, had been _forced_ to grow up, though Theo knew that he was still there sometimes, could see it in the way Stiles’ grin lit up his face when he was hanging out with the pack, could see it in the way he would pull small pranks on his friends when everything started to be too much. But that part of Stiles wasn’t present in the person standing in front of him right now, and Theo stepped to the side cautiously, watched as the human walked in and dropped into one of the chairs in front of the kitchen counter. 

The silence was stretched thin, juggling the weight of Theo’s remorse and wariness and Stiles’ resentment and curiosity, but also something _else_. Something that Theo couldn’t figure out yet, but it simmered in the tension between them, making Theo even _more_ wary. 

“How long have you been his anchor?” Stiles finally asked, the words stiff, and Theo leaned back against the counter across from the human, feeling the ends of his claws starting to creep out. 

“Don’t know,” Theo replied honestly, because he _didn’t_. It could’ve started sometime after the war, when they started to actually be _friends_ , but it could’ve started _before_ that too. Back when they were just reluctant allies. “I didn’t—” Theo paused, trying to figure out how to _say_ what he wanted to, “I didn’t expect it, it wasn’t a _plan_.”

Stiles was quiet for a few moments. “You looked angry, when it happened a few days ago,” he noted, and a muscle in Theo’s jaw ticked at the accusation in his words. “Angry that you have to take care of an impulsive werewolf with anger issues now?”

Theo gritted his teeth, one of his claws breaking skin on his palm. “I’m not _taking care_ of him, I’m his _anchor_ , not his _babysitter_.”

“You’d be surprised how often those two intersect,” Stiles said, his eyes squinting as he tilted his head to the side slightly. “Why are you still here?”

Theo reeled back, taken aback at the sudden change in subject. “ _What?_ ”

“Why are you still _here?_ ” Stiles repeated, “In Beacon Hills. No one’s asking you to stay, you don’t have any family, don’t have a _pack_.” Theo _flinched_ , but Stiles continued like nothing happened. “So why are you _still here?_ ”

The claw sunk deeper, and Stiles’ eyes darted to the movement. His mouth parted, but Theo cut him off. “I don’t have a pack, or a family,” Theo agreed coldly, “But this is the only place I _know_.”

It was the most honest Theo had been in a long time, and he had _definitely_ not seen it being with _Stiles_ , but the human just studied him, his expression unchanging. 

“Did you find that file you were looking for?”

Theo _froze_. Stiles’ voice wasn’t harsh, like the last time he’d brought it up, wasn’t even _mocking_ , like Theo thought it would be. “No.”

And for the first time since he’d entered Theo’s apartment, Stiles’ scent wavered. And Theo was _built_ to be _perfect_ , could pick apart chemosignals _instantly_ , and he _knew_ what the emotion drifting off the human was, and he _hated_ it.

“Why didn’t you ask for help?”

( _“Why didn’t you ask for help?” Seb muttered, as he wiped the blood off of Theo’s hands with a damp rag, pointedly ignoring the way they wouldn’t stop shaking._

_“They said alone,” Theo said, his voice hard, but it was all a facade— a poorly constructed one, at that— and Theo knew that, and Seb knew that, but neither of them said anything._

_Seb sighed, tossing the rag to the side before turning Theo’s hands over— to check if they were healed, Theo realized. “Are you cold?” Seb finally asked after a few moments, and it took Theo’s brain a couple of seconds to look down at his still trembling hands._

_And now that he_ had _, he couldn’t_ stop _. Couldn’t stop seeing his claws, and they were retracted right now, but that didn’t even_ matter _, because Theo still_ saw _them, covered in blood, could still feel the way they’d dug in, leaving red trails that moved far too fast down rapidly paling skin. He’d never_ killed _, the Doctors hadn’t forced him to yet, but something about this time felt_ different _, and Theo had gotten good at hiding it, but this was the first time_ Seb _had seen the aftermath, and something about it felt_ heavier _._

_“No.”_

_Seb's eyes darted from Theo’s hands to his face, and Theo’s attempt at a stoic expression must’ve been worse than he thought, because Seb grabbed his hand, squeezing it once, twice,_ three _times._

 _“Well, I am,” Seb said softly, before enveloping both of Theo’s hands in his own, and Theo suddenly couldn’t see his hands anymore, and a small voice in the back of his mind told him that maybe, that was the_ point _._ )

“There’s nothing left,” Theo said, and he’d said the same thing to Scott before, but this time it was different, because Theo wasn’t _enraged_ , like he’d been then, he was _resigned_ , because he _knew_ that it was _true_ , and he had accepted it. Sebastian would be nothing more than an agglomeration of distant memories, nothing more than an intangible silhouette that Theo would always see in the corner of his eye down every street he walked. “It doesn’t matter who helps, there’s nothing to _find_.”

Theo’s blood was dripping onto the floor now, and Stiles stared at him for a moment before standing up and grabbing a napkin from the counter. 

“You need to stop doing that,” the human murmured as he shoved it into Theo’s other hand. Theo’s eyes widened slightly as Stiles ripped off another paper towel from the roll and wet it slightly before reaching down to wipe the blood on the ground. 

Stiles looked up at Theo’s hand, and irritation flared in his eyes. “Why is your hand still covered in blood?” and he made it sound like Theo had somehow personally offended him by not cleaning his hand up, and Theo was _dumbfounded_ , but under Stiles’ annoyed gaze, he pulled out his claws and watched as the skin closed up almost instantly.

“Stiles—”

“Liam trusts you,” Stiles cut him off, rising from the floor and tossing the now-red paper towel in the trash. “And so does the rest of the Puppy Pack. Scott seems to be getting there, but that’s never been a question, because it’s _Scott_. He trusts too easily, and you _knew_ that, and you _used_ it against us. I’ve had to watch Scott get hurt over and over again with the way he wears his heart on his sleeve, and _trust_ me, it _never_ gets better seeing your best friend lose _over_ and _over_ , even though we _win_.”

Stiles’ voice was _harsh_ to the point that it was almost a _shriek_ , and Theo couldn’t blame him, _didn’t_ blame him. 

“But Scott takes everything in stride, even though he’s on the fucking _ground_ ,” Stiles continued, and Theo flinched at the emphasis, because he _knew_ what Stiles was alluding to, “And I _swear_ to _god_ Theo, if I even see a _hint_ of _anything_ , you _will_ be six feet in the ground before you can _blink_. You do _anything_ that hurts Scott, or Liam, or _anyone_ in the pack, I will break _every_ fucking rule without _hesitation_.”

Theo watched as Stiles’ eyes flashed dangerously, and he didn’t need to listen to the human’s pulse to know he wasn’t lying. Theo’s claws started to drop, but Theo ground his teeth until it felt like they would _break_ , and _forced_ them back in. 

“I know this won’t mean anything to you,” Theo rasped out, his voice tight, “But you don’t have to worry about that.”

“You’re right, that doesn’t mean anything to me,” Stiles said slowly, and Theo clenched his jaw and looked away from the human’s searching eyes. “But it could someday.”

\---

“Auxin.”

Liam’s face twisted, and Theo bit back a smirk. “Promotes growth?”

Theo let the smirk widen as he added another tally mark under his name on the paper in front of him. “Stem elongation,” he corrected, and Liam groaned. “I win.”

“This isn’t fair,” Liam whined, dropping his head onto the counter. “I’m gonna fail my test tomorrow _and_ completely lose my dignity.”

“You’re so dramatic,” Theo said, rolling his eyes. “It’s just _one_ picture.”

Liam lifted his head to glare at Theo before letting it fall again. “You’re underestimating how much dumb shit I did when I was younger,” he mumbled, his words muffled by his arms. “And how much of it Brett caught on camera.”

Theo snickered, smacking the back of Liam’s head with the stack of flashcards. “C’mon, again. I can’t promise anything about losing your dignity, but I can at least help you not fail your test.”

“I hate you,” Liam muttered, but he sat up again as Theo started going through the flashcards again. And Theo tried not to concentrate too much on the fact that Liam’s heart had skipped a beat.

Two hours, three broken noses, and six full-body tackles later, Theo sighed dejectedly after Liam hesitantly squeaked, “Flowering plants?” 

Liam’s face immediately dropped, and Theo let him stew in his misery for a few seconds before slapping the “angiosperms” card on the counter.

“Congratulations,” Theo said with a small smile, “You’re not gonna fail your test. You got them all right, Liam.”

Liam blinked, before his face slowly lit up. “Oh my _god_ ,” he shrieked, and Theo winced at the sudden increase in volume, “I’m not gonna fail. I’m not gonna _fail!_ ”

Theo held back the broader smile that threatened to take over his face as he watched the beta jump around in excitement. A sweet scent that Theo knew by _heart_ now, like it was embedded into his _skin_ , filled the air, and Theo looked down at his phone quickly when Liam turned to him, his face flushed and covered with an ear-to-ear grin. 

“Brett said he’s gonna show the picture tomorrow,” Theo rushed out, and he _hated_ that he almost sounded _breathless_ , but lucky for him, Liam didn’t notice, and just grumbled.

“Fuck Brett.”

Theo typed out a text quickly, relaying Liam’s words to the blond werewolf, and snorted when a response came almost _immediately_. 

“He said just for that, he’s gonna show multiple pictures,” Theo’s eyes twinkled, and Liam’s jaw dropped, before he lunged for Theo’s phone. Theo moved back hastily, keeping the phone out of the beta’s reach. “Nope, you made the deal, you can’t back out now.”

“The deal was _one_ picture,” Liam hissed.

“That’s between you and Brett, not me.”

Liam growled. “You’re banned from being friends with Brett.”

Theo let out a quiet snort. “You’re the one who said we’d get along.” And he _had_ , back when the war had just ended. Theo was still on the outskirts of the Puppy Pack, and Liam had forced Theo to hang out with them— not that Theo was exactly _complaining_ about spending time with the beta— and had pushed Theo in Brett’s direction, saying they were both so good at pissing Liam off that they’d get along perfectly. And it was true, much to the rest of the Puppy Pack’s chagrin.

“Yeah,” Liam sunk back into his chair, “Should’ve fucking kept that to myself.”

Theo stared at his phone, trying to ignore the pout on Liam’s lips, before he did something he would _definitely_ regret. “You know, you could just get him back by sending me pictures of _him_.”

Liam moved, and when Theo looked up, the beta was scrolling on his phone, an evil grin on his face. A few seconds later, pictures started rolling in on their chat, and Theo smirked at all the blackmail material he was gonna have on both Liam and Brett. 

It was a fact that was made _abundantly_ clear the next day when Brett retaliated to Liam’s oversharing by sending _dozens_ of pictures to Theo when they were all at Liam’s house after school. 

“Hey, Liam.”

Liam lifted his head suspiciously from next to Mason, because Theo was _clearly_ trying to hold back his laughter.

“Never took you for a Cinderella. Always thought you were more of a Rapunzel, to be honest,” Theo snickered, and Liam reddened _immediately_ , and Corey jumped up from his spot against the bed with a delighted _let me see_.

Theo turned his phone to show everyone in the room younger Liam’s _stunning_ take on Cinderella, wearing a blue dress that was three sizes too small, and a pale blue bow in his hair. Brett cracked up from next to Theo, despite having been the one to _send_ the picture, and Liam turned his fury onto the werewolf. 

“I’ll get you back for this, Talbot,” Liam threatened, and Brett just mocked him, as Theo changed his contact picture for Liam.

“You should recreate this look,” Theo said with a straight face, “You could probably still pull it off.”

Liam stared at him. “I can’t tell if that’s a compliment or an insult,” he deadpanned, and Theo smirked. 

“Only one way to find out, Cinderella.”

\---

Theo entered the snack aisle, just to immediately spin on his heel and walk the other direction.

“Stop running,” a voice called out from behind him, soft but unyielding. 

Theo froze, letting her catch up to him. “Not running,” he muttered under his breath, and Lydia gave him an unimpressed look. They walked through the next aisle silently, and Theo started to calculate if he _really_ needed the groceries. His practically empty fridge could wait another day, right?

“I can _hear_ your thoughts, Theo,” Lydia hummed quietly, still not looking at him. “You _do_ need groceries, you look like you haven't eaten in days.”

Theo shouldn’t have been surprised, because this was _Lydia_ , but he still was puzzled at how Lydia had known both _exactly_ what he’d been thinking, and the fact that he hadn’t been eating. 

“I’ve been eating,” Theo lied, and Lydia finally turned to him, her eyes narrowed. Something about the way she was looking at him set him on edge, like she could see through every wall he was putting up. He wouldn’t put it past her that she _could_.

But after a few moments, she faced forward again, and continued strolling down the aisle like nothing had happened. Theo followed her after a second, his movements stiff and awkward in contrast to Lydia’s relaxed posture. 

Lydia didn’t say anything else for a while, both of them quietly making their way through the store. But then Theo’s eyes landed on a younger teenager running through the soda aisle with a wide grin, and he stumbled, because the kid’s dark, unruly hair and bright smile bore a _little_ too much resemblance to someone _else_ , and Lydia stopped walking, following his gaze. Her head tilted to the side slowly, something Theo had seen her do _hundreds_ of times by now, and he _knew_ what it meant, didn’t even have to read her chemosignals, and his mask slid into place before she could blink.

But Lydia was nothing if not observant, and she nodded slightly to herself, like Theo had just confirmed something, and looked away, turning her attention to the wide selection of iced teas on the shelf next to them.

“Losing your best friend isn’t easy,” Lydia said, and Theo _stiffened_. She didn’t look at him, but the air around them had shifted, and Theo had done the research before coming back to Beacon Hills, knew about the hunter who had died too young. “And I can only assume it hurts more when you have nothing left of them.”

“Lydia, _stop_ —”

Lydia cut him off, her eyes piercing into his with an intensity that had Theo _reeling_. “You’re not fooling anyone, Theo,” she chided. “You did a lot of things wrong in the past, but you’re allowed to grieve. You’re allowed to be _sad_ , you’re allowed to _cry_.”

Theo stared back, and he felt the back of his eyes burn. For _years_ , he’d been taught to be _perfect_ , to be _strong_ , and being strong meant no _emotions_ , no _messes_ , and the second it had happened, he’d known why the Dread Doctors had taken Seb away from him. There was a line between caring and _caring_ , and Theo had crossed it, had _cared_ about Seb. But the Dread Doctors had barely tolerated caring.

“There’s a part of you that blames yourself for the things you’ve done,” Lydia continued, “And you should.” Theo _flinched_ , but Lydia’s gaze didn’t waver. “But guilt means you’re changing, Theo. It means you _care_.”

Theo swallowed, and he felt the itch to drop his claws, but they were in a _grocery store_ , and despite the _war_ that had taken place not even _two months_ ago, most of the town had gone back to pretending supernaturals didn’t _exist_ , and Theo wasn’t about to remind them. “You’d make a good therapist,” Theo breathed out quietly, because he didn’t know what _else_ to say, and one of Lydia’s eyebrows rose, her lips twitching.

“Liam said the same thing to me last week,” Lydia commented, and Theo’s eyes widened before he could stop them, and Lydia’s amusement shone through on her face. “Funny, right?”

“Yeah, funny,” Theo mumbled, trying to hide his darkened cheeks from Lydia’s sight as they walked to the front of the store. 

“Think about what I said,” Lydia called out when they exited after checking out, splitting ways as Theo headed towards his truck and Lydia walked over to her car on the other side of the parking lot. “ _Everything_ I said.”

Theo didn’t know what part of _everything_ she was trying to emphasize, but he nodded stiffly and turned away. 

It was only when he reached forward to shove his keys into the ignition when he realized that he hadn’t dug his claws into his palm even _after_ they had left the store. 

\---

Theo woke up to his front door creaking open, and he jumped up off the bed, dropping his claws. It was _two_ in the morning, and if it was any other night, Theo wouldn’t be worried, but Theo _knew_ it couldn’t be Liam this time, because Liam was off at a lacrosse tournament for the weekend. 

He crept towards the staircase, keeping his heartbeat steady. He heard someone moving around for a few seconds, but then it was quiet. Theo went down, his footsteps light, because he _knew_ that heartbeat, but what he _didn’t_ know was why it was _here_. 

Alec was curled up on his couch, head facing the back cushion, and legs bent slightly at the knees as he tried fitting his entire body on the small couch. Theo’s brows furrowed, because Alec had an _apartment_ , so why was he _here?_

“Alec?”

“Sorry for waking you up,” Alec mumbled, still not turning to face Theo, and Theo suddenly picked up on the distressed chemosignals drifting off the young werewolf. This was new territory for Theo— he didn’t know how to _comfort_ , he didn’t know what to _say_.

“Why are you here?” Theo winced slightly— that sounded ruder than he meant it to, but Alec didn’t react, resolutely pushing his head further into the couch, and Theo was starting to worry. “Alec?”

The werewolf shifted, and his face was finally visible. And all Theo could think at the moment was how _young_ Alec was, because he was only _fourteen_ , and he looked so _scared_. Theo suddenly had an idea of why Alec was here, and his heart sank. “Couldn’t sleep,” Alec muttered, closing his eyes to avoid Theo’s. “You— you smell like pack.”

Theo clenched his jaw and looked away, because _fuck_ , he’d been right. Alec admitting that he thought of Theo as pack was _another_ story, but right now, Theo didn’t have the energy to pick that apart. “Get up.”

Alec’s eyes flew open, and the corners of his mouth pulled down. “You’re kicking me out?”

“What, _no_ ,” Theo answered incredulously, grabbing Alec’s arm and pulling him up. “It’s a pullout couch. You don’t have to sleep all cramped up.”

Alec’s mouth parted in an _oh_ , and he stood awkwardly as Theo threw the cushions off before pulling the couch open. It wasn’t _comfortable_ , but Alec didn’t seem to mind as he settled back in, his face hesitant. “Th—thanks, Theo.”

Theo waved it off, padding back up the stairs. Alec’s heartbeat started to calm down, and Theo pulled open his closet doors to find one of the extra blankets Lydia had forced him to keep even though no one ever _needed_ them. He could almost hear her voice in his head— _see, someone_ does _need it_ — and he let out a quiet snort. He checked in on the werewolf downstairs with his senses, and once making sure Alec wasn’t asleep yet, threw the blanket over the railing. Theo heard a quiet _oof_ when it landed perfectly on the werewolf, and he felt his lips quirk up. 

After that night, it became a regular occurrence for Theo to wake up in the middle of the night to hear Alec sneaking in, but Theo didn’t mind it. It was weirdly comforting, hearing the young werewolf come in, trying to be as quiet as possible even though they both knew that Theo was awake. It didn’t happen _every_ night, but often enough that Theo made two, sometimes three, cups of coffee in the morning, and didn’t move the blanket off of the couch even after Alec left. 

There was something… _absurd_ about the fact that Alec sought _Theo_ out when he couldn’t sleep, thought _Theo_ smelt like pack, because it didn’t make sense to Theo. Sure, the werewolf wasn’t there when Theo was all evil and shit, but he still _knew_ everything, the pack made _sure_ of that. And Theo didn’t understand how Alec could hear all of that and _still_ decide that Theo was _pack_. 

“Hey, you okay?” Liam asked softly, and Theo was pulled out of his thoughts. The beta turned to him, concern coloring his face, and shifted closer, even though they were already close enough that their thighs were pressed against each other. Liam had stormed his apartment a few hours ago, begging for Theo’s help with a school project, and never left. Not that Theo was _protesting_ — and now here they were, sitting a little too close on the couch, pretending to watch what was flashing on the screen. Well, at least _Theo_ was pretending.

“M’fine,” Theo mumbled, rubbing his eyes as he moved his gaze back to the bright screen. He blinked when instead of seeing the fights and destruction he _expected_ from the action movie he’d started, the screen was lit with images of temples and stone buildings. “What the hell?”

Liam studied him for a few seconds, before apparently deciding not to push, and a small smirk settled on his lips. “I switched to the history channel ten minutes ago. You didn’t say anything so…”

“You and your weird history kink,” Theo muttered under his breath, receiving an elbow to the stomach in return. Suddenly, Theo heard a key being shoved into his front door, and before he could get up, Alec had entered, closing the door quietly behind him, but he froze when he saw Theo and Liam on the couch. 

“Uh,” Alec’s eyes flickered between Theo and Liam, and Theo fought the urge to roll his eyes. Alec _knew_ Liam came over sometimes, and Theo _knew_ that Alec knew because _he_ was the one who was rudely woken up by Liam’s loud cry a week ago when Alec had woken up to _Liam_ sneaking in late one night and proceeded to punch the “intruder’s” face. Yeah, _that_ had been fun. “I thought you guys would be asleep, I can… go.”

Alec spun on his heel, and Liam grabbed a pillow from the couch and threw it at the younger werewolf’s back. “Stop being stupid, just come over here, there’s enough space on the couch.”

Theo didn’t mention that the only reason there _was_ enough space was because Theo and Liam were close enough that they were only using one of the cushions. Alec didn’t mention it either, instead walking over hesitantly, and sinking onto the other cushion.

“Is this the… _history channel?_ ” Alec asked after a few minutes of silence, and Theo snorted loudly.

Liam flipped them off, shuffling even _closer_ to Theo, and Theo had to use all his control to keep his pulse steady when the beta’s head fell onto his shoulder a while later. Theo felt Alec’s eyes on him, but he _refused_ to give in, and eventually the younger beta looked away.

But when Theo glanced at him out of the corner of his eye a few seconds later, he could make out an amused smirk on the younger werewolf’s lips.

\---

“Theo, are you listening?”

Theo’s head whipped up when he heard his name, just to find everyone staring at him. Scott looked slightly concerned, while Stiles’ eyes were squinted, calculating in a way that made Theo uneasy. He felt Liam shift a little closer next to him, and he painted a neutral expression on his face. 

“Yeah, what happened?”

“You’d know if you were _listening_ ,” Malia pointed out, and Theo flipped her off, getting a pillow to the head in return. This almost… _playful_ relationship between them confused the fuck out of Theo, because he didn’t know how and when they even _got_ there. One day Malia was swearing on her life that she’d kill him without a second thought, and the next she was throwing pillows at his head in pack meetings. It was _weird_.

“Monroe’s fallen off the radar,” Scott answered, and Theo’s eyes jerked to the alpha.

Theo glanced at Stiles, who pursed his lips before looking away. “I don’t really want to state the obvious here,” Stiles added with a grimace, “But the only thing that could mean is that she’s planning something big.”

“Like a grand finale?” Alec asked, his scent dipping, and Theo felt eyes dart to him when he let out a humorless snort.

“More like grand beginning,” Theo corrected, and Scott blanched. “Whatever she’s planning is only the start, so unless we want to see her successfully carry out her unhinged plan for genocide—”

“We have to stop her _now_ ,” Derek finished, and Theo nodded stiffly. 

Scott looked in between Derek, Theo, and Stiles, and Theo didn’t know _when_ the three of them had become Scott’s unofficial strategists, but apparently they _had_. And having the true alpha look at _him_ for the next step was both nerve wracking and horrifying, all things considered. It should be _Argent_ , the actual _hunter_ , who had _experience_ , but he was in Paris, visiting someone. Theo had heard Scott and Stiles whisper-argue about it a couple of days ago, and he had a suspicion that Argent wasn’t just _visiting_.

“We need to get into her headquarters,” Stiles said after a moment, grabbing the map from the table and unrolling it. “We know it’s either here or here,” he pointed at the two green dots marked on the map. 

“Not here,” Theo tapped the one closest to him, and the pack looked at him, with varying degrees of confusion. “The Baldini pack has a reputation,” he explained, his voice hard, and he could practically _see_ the curiosity in the air, but he ignored it as he continued. If Argent was here, Theo knew _he’d_ know what Theo was talking about, but as luck had it, he _wasn’t_ , and Theo _really_ didn’t want to explain. “Monroe’s not stupid enough to base her entire operation in their territory.”

“What do you mean, reputa—”

Theo interrupted Liam. “There’s a small airport near here,” he said, forcing his voice to stay steady as he gestured to the other green dot. “Practically abandoned, but still functional. If she’s planning something big, she needs _supplies_.”

“She’s importing wolfsbane,” Scott whispered in horror, and Theo pressed his lips together before nodding. 

Stiles moved his eyes from the map to Theo, and a muscle ticked in his jaw. “Well, you up for a little arson?”

Theo’s mouth parted in shock when Stiles’ offer registered in his brain, and Stiles’ lips twitched.

“Wait, what, _arson?_ ” Corey blurted out, and a small smirk slowly spread on Theo’s face.

“Should be fun,” Theo agreed, and Stiles finally broke into a grin, while Derek narrowed his eyes.

“No.”

Stiles turned to the older werewolf, and smacked his arm. “Shut up, it’s not up to you. We need to get rid of the wolfsbane, and this is the best way to do it.”

“Wait, you’re planning to set her headquarters on _fire?_ ” Liam screeched, as he finally processed what was going on, and Theo’s smirk widened. “What the _fuck_ , guys, _no_ , there’ll be hunters _everywhere_.”

“Derek and Liam are right, it’s too dangerous,” Scott cut in firmly, but Theo could see the resignation in his eyes, because even the alpha knew that they _had_ to. Stiles obviously saw it too, because he squeezed Scott’s shoulder with one hand.

“You know it’s the right move,” Stiles declared, “And me and Theo can take care of it.”

“You’re _human_ ,” Derek snapped, and Theo could see his point. He also knew Stiles wouldn’t care. “And since when have you been so keen to work with Theo?”

Theo deserved that, he supposed, but Stiles met his eyes, and a small, wry grin spread on his face. 

“He’s the only one down with arson, isn’t he?” Stiles joked, and Theo snorted quietly. “And plus, he has information, information that the rest of us _don’t_ ,” Stiles stressed, clearly alluding to everything Theo had said a few minutes ago, and Theo clenched his jaw. 

( _“Theo, Jesus_ christ _, what happened?” Seb barked, throwing one of Theo’s arms around his shoulder as he helped him walk to the operating table._

 _Theo winced as the movement caused his shirt to rub against the still-open wounds on his stomach and chest. Alpha wounds were a_ bitch _. “Baldini pack,” he breathed out as he laid back, hearing Seb grab a rag from another table. “Didn’t like that I was a knockoff.”_

_Seb pushed his shirt up, inhaling sharply when he saw the claw marks seared into Theo’s skin. “Why’d the Doctors even send you there? There’s no way they didn’t know.”_

_Theo tried to take a breath, but his chest clenched at the effort. “That’s_ why _they sent me, Seb.”_

_Seb stilled, his hand tensing on Theo’s stomach. But he continued cleaning the blood a few seconds later, and didn’t say anything else._

_The silence spoke volumes, anyway._ )

Scott turned to Theo, his expression hesitant. “You’re… you’re _sure_ about this?” he asked, and Theo saw the way his eyes flicked to Stiles. He knew what Scott _wasn’t_ asking— if the alpha was sending his best friend off on a suicide mission. 

“It’s not gonna just be us, we’ll have backup,” Theo announced, and Stiles hastily shook his head.

“No, that’s too risky—”

“And what you’re doing _isn’t?_ ” Malia hissed, and Stiles sighed, twirling a pen around his fingers.

“It’s a lot easier sneaking two people in than five,” the human pointed out, “And all we’re doing is getting rid of the wolfsbane, that’s _it_.”

Theo wanted to mention that Stiles was _drastically_ underestimating the situation, but he didn’t need to, because the looks on everyone else’s faces made it clear that they _knew_. 

“You’re actually gonna let them do this?” Liam asked Scott in disbelief, and the alpha’s face contorted.

“Liam—”

“It’s a risk,” Stiles interjected, all traces of amusement gone from his face, “But it’s one we _need_ to take. We’re going up against a _psychopath_ , and a psychopath _with_ wolfsbane is a _lot_ worse than a psychopath without it.”

\---

“So what glorious occasion has granted me worthy of a visit from Derek Hale?” Theo asked without turning around, and his lips quirked up at the snort from behind him.

“I can see why Stiles chose you for his little arson plan,” Derek noted, and Theo’s amusement faded as quickly as it had come. He didn’t try to read the former alpha’s chemosignals— born wolves were trained to conceal them from adolescence, and Theo knew if he tried, he’d get nothing but what Derek _wanted_ him to sense. “What I don’t get is why you _agreed_.”

Theo stilled, the cold breeze on his face suddenly _biting_ , even though he’d been here for _hours_. “You heard Stiles, I have information that you guys don’t.”

“That still doesn’t answer my question.” Derek walked up where Theo was sitting, looking over the preserve. Lookout Point had a certain… _allure_ to it, something Theo couldn’t really put his finger on, but it was peaceful up here. The werewolf’s nose crinkled as he stared down, but he dropped down next to Theo a few seconds later.

“I want Monroe gone just as much as you guys do,” Theo snapped harshly, but Derek didn’t react, keeping his face stoic as he turned to Theo, who could feel his claws starting to poke out, but he exhaled sharply and pulled them back in.

“Scott’s worried,” Derek said after a couple of moments, and Theo looked away, out into the preserve. “Worried that this is a suicide mission. That the risks outweigh the benefits.”

And just like with Scott, Theo could hear what went unsaid, the words that hung in the air, smokey and vitriolic— worried that the risk of sending _Theo_ with Stiles outweigh the benefits.

“Don’t worry,” Theo muttered, trying to keep the bitterness out of his voice, “I’ll keep an eye on Stiles the whole time. He’s not going to die.”

Derek looked taken aback for a second, like Theo had said something _wrong_. “And you?”

It was Theo’s turn to be surprised. “Me?”

“Yeah, _you_ ,” Derek stressed. “Scott’s worried about _both_ of you, not just Stiles. And you just very clearly avoided saying that _you_ weren’t going to die.”

A sardonic smile made its way onto Theo’s face. “Don’t tell me that _you’re_ worried about _me_ now. I’ll be fine, Derek.” The fact that Theo had still _not_ said he wasn’t going to die probably didn’t escape Derek’s notice, but the werewolf didn’t call him out on it. “I’ll be fine,” Theo repeated.

( _“I’ll be fine,” Theo hissed, and Seb glared at him._

 _“You say that every time,” Seb snarled, “And every time, you’re_ not _fine when you come back.”_

 _Theo huffed, leaning down to tie his laces. “You know I_ have _to do this, Seb, I don’t_ want _to.” Seb’s scent dipped, and both of them were pros at controlling their chemosignals now, so Theo_ knew _that Seb was purposefully letting him smell his emotions._

 _“You say that every time too. What if this is the last, huh? What if this time you_ die?"

 _Theo stiffened, finally standing up straight and meeting Seb’s eyes. They were wide, so_ expressive _, because Seb had never hid his emotions, not from_ Theo _. “I’ll come back, Seb, I promise.”_

_Seb stared at him, unmoving, before he exhaled, the sound not unlike being punched in the gut, and Theo’s chest twisted._

_“You better, T,” Seb croaked, “You better come back.”_ )

“You don’t sound very convinced,” Derek observed, and Theo swallowed his snort. “Scott might believe you when you say you’ll be fine, but I sure as hell don’t.”

“That’s on you, then,” Theo gritted his teeth. 

Derek let out a noncommittal hum. “And how do you think Scott will react if Stiles comes back from that base without you? How do you think _Liam_ will react, the _Puppy Pack?_ ” Theo held back a flinch at the irritation in the werewolf’s voice. “You think _no one’s_ gonna care? Well, I’m telling you right now, Theo, if Stiles comes back without you, we’re gonna have to hold back a _few_ people from going feral.”

“ _Stop_ ,” Theo snarled. “Fucking _stop_.”

“You can’t keep running from the truth,” Derek pressed. “And you’re gonna want to keep running, want to hide because the truth _scares_ you, _frightens_ the _shit_ out of you, but _trust_ me, running does _nothing_. You’re smart, Theo,” the werewolf stood up, wiping his hands off on his jeans. “So stop being stupid.”

Derek left, and Theo sat there for seconds, minutes, _hours_ maybe, just _thinking_.

\---

“What is _wrong_ with you?” Liam growled, shoving Theo’s shoulder, and Theo stumbled back a few steps, catching his balance at the last second.

“Liam—”

“This is a _suicide_ mission, and you _know_ that,” Liam interrupted him, his eyes flaring gold. “Scott seems to think that we _have_ to do this, that we _have_ to send Stiles a—”

“Because we _do_ ,” Theo declared firmly, ignoring the way his heart clenched when he realized Liam was only worried about _Stiles_. “And trust me, Stiles will be fine, I won’t let anything happen to him, okay? Everything will be fine.”

Liam’s claws dropped. “You’re planning on going into Monroe’s _headquarters_ , to blow up her supply of _wolfsbane_ , and you’re saying everything’s gonna be _fine?_ Nothing about this is _fine_ , Theo. This is the _stupidest_ thing you’ve ever come up with, you guys could _die_ —”

“We _won’t_.” Theo stared into Liam’s eyes, trying to make his role as Liam’s anchor fucking _useful_ , and he sighed internally when Liam took a deep breath and closed his eyes. “We won’t, okay? We’ll be fine.”

Liam reopened his eyes, and Theo was weirdly thrilled to see them blue again. Not just because Liam had controlled his shift, but because… of something else, too. A small part of Theo’s mind told him _exactly_ what that was, told him _memorize them, it could be the last time_ , but Theo pushed the thought away. No use worrying about the inevitable anyway.

Theo watched as Liam sank into the couch, his head tilting back, exposing his throat. Theo’s breath hitched, but he managed to steady his pulse before Liam could notice the uptick. He turned away, his fingers drumming on his thigh absentmindedly, waiting for Liam to do what he wanted to.

“Did Sebastian ever get mad at you for doing stupid shit like this?” Liam asked after a few minutes, and Theo _jerked_. Liam lifted his head off the couch, emotions swirling in his eyes, and Theo waited for his heartbeat to settle before nodding.

“Yeah,” his voice was hoarse, and he didn’t bother trying to hide it. “All the time.”

Liam stared at him for a few moments before dropping his head down again. Theo’s chemosignals were going _everywhere_ , but he didn’t conceal them. Both because Liam wasn’t _that_ good at picking apart the different scents and because Theo was so _exhausted_. Exhausted of _pretending_ , of _hiding_ , of _controlling_ everything all the fucking time.

“You two would’ve gotten along,” Theo whispered, and Liam’s head snapped up. Theo kept his gaze on the ground in front of him, but he could feel Liam’s eyes on him anyway. He always could, and it _could_ mean something, if he wasn’t Theo, and if that wasn’t Liam. If they were in a different time, or place, or universe, it could’ve meant something. But they weren’t, and it didn’t _matter_ what Theo wanted, what Theo _felt_ , because at the end of the day, he was still the one who did the things he did, and Liam was still the one who had to suffer through them. 

“Yeah?” Liam’s voice was quiet.

Theo swallowed, the noise almost _audible_. “Yeah.”

\---

Theo _honestly_ should’ve known better.

Because even Stiles wasn’t right all the time.

\---

“So, tell me, Theo, what’s it like being the McCall pack’s new attack dog?”

Theo growled and bared his teeth, despite the electricity running through him, despite the fact that he was once again, tied to a fence. The only difference was that this time, Stiles was there with him. 

Monroe smiled, a close-mouthed, pursed-lips smile that set Theo on edge, that reminded him of when he was a kid, sitting at the dining table with hunched shoulders, trying to make himself as small as possible, and his mom had smiled that same smile, had _always_ smiled that same smile before telling him all the things he didn’t deserve. “It’s a pity, really,” Monroe sighed, her eyes revealing that it really _wasn’t_ , at least for _her_ , “You had so much _potential_ , Theo. And you wasted it all for _this?_ To be nothing more than Scott McCall’s _lackey._ ”

“ _Fuck_ you,” Theo snarled, biting back a whimper when the electricity coursing through him suddenly _surged_. The fence was painfully digging into his back, and he could tell that the vines around his wrists had wolfsbane, could feel them burning his skin every time he struggled, but he pushed all of it to the back of his mind. Stiles hadn’t woken up yet, his head still hung low, and Theo prayed that he’d stay that way, because they wouldn’t do anything to him while he was knocked out. At least Theo _hoped_ that was true. 

“Easy, Theo,” Monroe said coldly, and her voice sent a chill down Theo’s spine, the words rolling off her tongue and surrounding Theo viciously, suffocating him. “Wouldn’t want your new, or should I say _old,_ best friend to pay for your mistakes now, would we?”

Theo bit his tongue until he drew blood, trying to stop himself from saying something he _knew_ he’d regret, because he _knew_ that Monroe was _just_ sadistic enough to carry through with her threat without hesitation. But then Stiles' pulse kicked up, and Theo’s heart sank.

“Look at that,” Monroe crowed, her lips curled in a ruthless smirk. “Looks like your _friend’s_ finally awake, Theo. Let’s give him a warm welcome, shall we?”

She waved her hand, and Stiles grunted as one of the hunters drove his fist into his stomach, and Theo let out a subvocal growl, twisting in his binds. 

“ _Wonderful_ , we’re all awake now,” Monroe announced, clapping her hands once. “So, tell me what I want to know, and I’ll let you both go.” Where Scott is, Theo deduced, because their plan had hinged on the rest of the pack going back into hiding, and now Monroe didn’t know where they were. _She didn’t know_ , Theo thought in relief.

Stiles scoffed, and Theo wanted to yell at him to stop being _stupid_ , stop drawing her _attention_ , but he _couldn’t_. “Fuck you, we’re not telling you _anything_.”

Monroe tsked, her face twisting. “You’re not understanding the _consequences_ here,” and she gestured vaguely. The electricity swelled again, and Theo bit down on the inside of his cheek, forcing the scream building in his throat back down. “Tell me where Scott is, Theo, I know you want to. You’ve always been selfish, always put yourself first, and I _respect_ that. Tell me where Scott McCall is and I’ll let you go. You’ll be _free_ , won’t have to put up with all their _rules_ and _regulations_. Come on, Theo, _tell me._ ”

Theo heard the way Stiles’ heart rate picked up, could _tell_ that the human was wondering if Theo _would_ , if he’d take the out, if he’d betray them again. He could tell Stiles was _waiting_ for it, waiting to tell the pack, _I told you so_ , and Theo’s stomach _rolled_. 

He lifted his head, stared Monroe right in the eye, and spit in her face. 

“You— you _monster!_ ” Monroe shrieked, and Theo grinned with his teeth bared, knew how _cruel_ it made him look, _reveled_ in the way the hunters took an instinctive step back. Theo still didn’t look at Stiles, didn’t know what he’d find, and didn’t _want_ to know. Monroe threw the towel that she used to wipe her face to the ground, and all her amusement had vanished. “So you’re sticking to your stupid plan of staying loyal, _fine_. You’re not the one I need to break anyway.”

Theo’s head whipped up, and Monroe’s smirk was back as she took in Theo’s panic. “I knew you wouldn’t say anything, Theo, but I had to at least _try_. But _you_ ,” Monroe turned to Stiles, and Theo’s nose flared at the sudden spike in Stiles’ fear, but the human tried to hide it, because it was _Stiles_ , “I can’t do anything to you, you’re _human_. There’s no _fun_ in playing with _you_ , you’ll die so _quickly_.” The hunter ran a finger down Stiles’ face, her nail scratching down his cheek, and Stiles glared at her defiantly. “But you’re so _good_ , aren’t you? Can’t stand seeing someone get hurt, can’t stand it being _your fault?_ ”

Theo’s mind started to piece together what Monroe was hinting at, and he _knew_ Stiles had too, because the human froze, horror drifting off of him in waves. 

Monroe’s eyes lit up when she saw Stiles understand where she was going, and she stepped back, waving to a hunter behind her, who handed her a dial. A dial that was connected to _Theo_. She unwrapped one of Stiles’ hands from above him and put his hand on the dial. 

“Every time you don’t answer, you increase the voltage,” Monroe said, glee evident in her voice. “Let’s see how far you make it before breaking.”

“Stiles, don’t listen to her,” Theo snapped, and Stiles’ eyes darted to his, widening immediately. Theo’s dread flared at Stiles’ sudden alarm, until he felt something hard press against the side of his head. 

“Oh, did I forget to mention?” Monroe added, sounding _bored_ . “If you don’t increase the voltage, that bullet’s going _right_ through Theo’s head. And I know he has _supernatural_ healing, but _that_ sounds a little too hard to bounce back from, doesn’t it?”

Theo ground his teeth together, keeping his eyes on the human next to him. “Stiles, _don’t_.”

“Stiles,” Monroe crooned, and Stiles turned to her, his hand on the dial shaking. “Where’s Scott?”

“No,” Stiles rasped out, and Monroe’s eyes flashed. 

“Turn the dial.”

“Do it, Stiles, it’s okay, I’m _fine_ ,” Theo promised, and Stiles clenched his jaw before turning it slightly to the right. Theo’s body jerked, but he managed to stop himself from vocalizing his pain.

“Theo—”

“I’m _fine_ , Stiles,” Theo gritted out. “Don’t tell her anything. _Promise_ me you won’t tell her anything.”

“ _Theo,_ you can’t _take_ that much elec—”

“Don’t you _fucking_ dare tell her anything, Stiles.”

“How _sweet_ ,” Monroe interjected, and Theo could hear her smile, even though he had his eyes closed and head tilted up. “Willing to die for the pack, now, are you, Theo? What do _you_ think about that, Stiles?”

“Go to _hell_ ,” Theo hissed, trying to keep her attention away from Stiles. Trying to stall her from asking her question again. 

Monroe smirked. “You’d know all about that, wouldn’t you, Theo?” 

“Shut up,” Stiles snapped, and Theo’s eyes widened as he stared at the human. He could pick up the anger rolling off the human, but what he was _surprised_ about was the fact that it was _for_ him, not _at_ him.

“I think you’ve had enough of a break,” Monroe clicked her tongue softly. “Just tell me where Scott is, and Theo won’t get hurt anymore than he already is, Stiles. He can only take so much, despite what he’s telling you.”

“Stiles, don’t _listen_ to her.”

Stiles gaped at Theo, before shaking his head at the hunter. Monroe huffed. “You know what to do then. Turn the dial.”

Theo couldn’t stop the groan that burst out of his throat when the human did, and he heard Stiles’ breath hitch quietly. “M’fine, Stiles, s’okay.”

“You won’t be for long,” Monroe sang, and Theo had never wanted to slit her throat more than he had at this moment. Fuck Scott’s no-murder rule, just this once; the alpha would understand. “One more chance, Stiles, that’s all you get. One more chance, because Theo won’t last that much longer.”

Theo was about to argue, when he felt a pinch on his arm, and he gasped when he felt the wolfsbane start to enter his bloodstream through the tube now connected to him. _Fuck_.

“You didn’t say anything about wolfsbane,” Stiles snarled, and Monroe’s eyes twinkled.

“Time’s ticking, Stiles,” she said, turning to Theo, who snapped his teeth at her. “This is your last chance, because I have a feeling that Theo’s body is well on its way to shutting down.” Which was _true_ , but Theo was trying to pretend it wasn’t, for Stiles’ sake. He needed Stiles to think he was _fine_ , needed to make sure he wouldn’t say anything, because Theo _wasn’t_ going to betray the pack again. And him dying for Scott seemed kind of poetic, in some sort of morbid way. “I’ll leave you two alone for a little bit, you can talk it out. But when I come back, you better have an answer. And choose _wisely_ , Stiles.”

Monroe took the dial out of Stiles’ hand, tying it back up, and then left the room with the rest of the hunters, and Theo tried to stay upright, but the combination of the wolfsbane and electricity was _brutal_ , and he slumped forward.

“ _Theo_!” Stiles yelled, panicked, and Theo lifted his head up.

“I’m still here, I’m _fine_ ,” Theo mumbled, and Stiles growled.

“Theo, listen to me. Scott will be fine, he has Derek and Argent’s back from Paris, and the _entire_ pack is with him, he’ll be _fine_ —”

“ _No_ ,” Theo barked, and even that _one_ word took _far_ more effort than it should’ve, but Theo pushed through the pain. “Promise me, Stiles. Promise me you won’t tell her anything.”

“Theo, you’re _dying_ —”

“I don’t _care_ ,” Theo cut him off, and Stiles made a noise in the back of his throat. “I’ll be fine, I always am, okay? But Stiles, _promise me_ you won’t tell her where Scott is. He could die—”

“ _You_ could die!” Stiles yelled.

“I don’t _care!_ ” Theo roared, just as loud. “He’s the _true alpha_ , he needs to _live_. I’m just me, Stiles, don’t tell me you _forgot_ who I am.”

“I’m not letting you _die_.”

“It’s either me or Scott,” Theo snapped, and he knew it was cruel, to give Stiles an ultimatum, but time was running out, and he needed Stiles to _promise_. “You remember what you said to me in my apartment? That if I did anything to hurt Scott, you’d kill me yourself?”

“That wasn’t—”

“You tell her where Scott is for _me_ ,” Theo continued, his voice harsh, “and I’m gonna make you follow through on that threat, Stiles, I _swear_. _Promise_ me you won’t tell her.”

“Theo—”

The door opened, and Theo heard Monroe’s footsteps. “Made a decision yet?” Monroe called out. “I really hope it’s the right one, Stiles.”

Theo held Stiles’ gaze, and the human’s scent was going _wild_ , but Theo didn’t waver. 

“Are you going to tell me where Scott is, Stiles?”

Stiles pulled his eyes away from Theo, turning to Monroe, and a muscle on his cheek jumped. His eyes jerked back to Theo, and Theo _heard_ Monroe’s smile. 

“You don’t want him to _die_ now, do you, Stiles?” she asked, her voice soothing in a way that pissed Theo off. “All I’m asking is where Scott is. That’s all you need to tell me, nothing else.”

Stiles stared at Theo, who used the remaining energy he had to shake his head subtly, his eyes pointedly reminding Stiles of what he’d said a few minutes ago. _It’s either me or Scott_ , Theo thought, hoping Stiles could somehow figure out what he was thinking, _Choose Scott, Stiles. Choose_ Scott _._

The wolfsbane suddenly hit something that was probably _important_ , because Theo _jerked_ , pain _flaring_ in his stomach, and he tilted his head back, panting. “Don’t, Stiles,” he breathed out, without even looking at the human. 

“Tell me where Scott is,” Monroe snapped, and she was getting irritated now, was getting _tired_ of the back and forth and the hesitation, and Theo smirked internally. He had known he wasn’t going to make it for a while now, despite what he told Stiles, despite what he had told _Derek_ , and _Scott_ , and _Liam_. But he knew the others were probably on their way— though he wouldn’t be there to _see_ it— and he knew that Monroe was going to _lose_. And that’s all that really mattered. All that mattered to _Theo_.

“No.” Stiles’ voice was quiet, and Theo breathed out in relief, dropping his head down. 

( _No,_ no _, Theo thought as he tried shaking Seb’s broken body._ No _._ )

“ _Fine_.” Theo looked up to see Monroe placing the dial back in Stiles’ hand. “Turn it _all_ the way up, Stiles. You chose wrong, you face the consequences. Theo _will_ die, and it _will_ be _your_ fault.”

( _“Failure.” The word echoed in the dark room, and Theo_ screamed _. This was_ his _fault. It was all_ his _fault._ )

“I’ll be fine,” Theo murmured, ignoring the way his heart skipped a beat. He’d never been more glad that Stiles wasn’t supernatural. “S’okay, Stiles.”

( _“S’okay, T,” Seb breathed out between gasps._ )

Stiles’ hand was shaking, and apparently Monroe was getting impatient, because Theo felt the gun at his head again.

( _Theo’s hands shaking. Seb’s hands covering his. Squeezed once, twice—_ )

“Turn the dial,” Monroe repeated, “or the bullet goes through Theo’s head. Your choice, Stiles.”

( _“We’ll be free someday, T,” Seb whispered as they lay in the dark, their hands intertwined. “Someday.”_ )

“Do it, Stiles, it’s okay, I’m _okay_.” He _wasn’t_ , but that’s okay. Theo could at least die knowing that he hadn’t _betrayed_ anyone, hadn’t _hurt_ anyone again. 

( _Seb’s body, lying on the ground. Theo’s hot tears on his cheek._ )

A noise left Stiles’ throat, and Theo felt his body starting to shut down, felt his legs and arms start to go numb, felt his chest start to constrict _painfully_. “It’s okay, Stiles, it’s okay,” Theo repeated, his voice barely above a whisper, over and over again.

( _“It’s okay, T, you’ll be okay,” Seb whispered into his hair as Theo trembled._ )

“Stiles, my patience is wearing thin,” Monroe spat out, and Theo heard her step closer to Stiles. 

( _“Go, T,” Seb rasped out._ )

Stiles yelped, and Theo lifted his head just enough to see Monroe’s hand covering his over the dial. She turned it for him, pressing Stiles’ hand down onto the dial, and Theo’s body lurched.

( _“Does this make us friends?”_ )

The dial kept turning, and Theo couldn’t swallow his scream anymore. The hunters were laughing or talking or taunting— he couldn’t really tell anymore— but all of it faded into the back of Theo’s mind.

( _“We can start over, we can be_ different _.”_ )

Theo closed his eyes as the last of his strength drained out of him.

( _Theo screamed and_ screamed _, but there was no point_.)

Theo didn’t have anyone to scream for him, but that was okay. 

It was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> huh. so that happened. 
> 
> hope you guys liked this one!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter! this is the longest fic I've written so far, but I honestly love it so much, and I hope you guys like it too!
> 
> quick trigger warning: there is a paragraph that describes a panic attack and if you want to skip it, it starts with "The metallic scent of his blood"

But Theo wasn’t dead.

At least, he didn’t _think_ he was dead. 

“..eo!” He heard from somewhere far away, and he felt so _weak_ , and he _hated_ it. “ _Theo!_ ”

Theo forced his eyes open, and he slowly blinked, blood rushing in his ears as he faded back into consciousness.

“ _Theo!_ ” That was Stiles, Theo finally realized as his brain started to come back online, but unfortunately, that meant that all the pain came _rushing_ back, and Theo groaned as his head hung down. He took a deep breath, quickly realizing that that was a _horrible_ idea when his body protested immediately, jolts of pain racking through. “Theo, _look at me_.”

The human sounded desperate, and Theo finally regained enough command over his body to tilt his head to the side, his eyes meeting Stiles’ panicked ones. 

“Oh _thank god_ ,” Stiles breathed out, throwing his head back against the fence. “I thought you were _dead_.”

Theo studied the human for a few minutes, still not strong enough to physically _speak_. The wolfsbane was still running through his body, he could _feel_ it, and he didn’t know how long it’s been since he’d passed out, but he had a feeling that he had probably less than ten minutes until his body completely gave up. “Mon...roe?”

Stiles jumped when Theo spoke, despite the fact that his voice was so _quiet_ , and turned to him, his face hard. “Thought you were dead, and didn’t check. They’ll be back soon.”

Theo couldn’t feel his arms anymore, but he rolled his head against his bicep, keeping his eyes on Stiles. “Thanks.”

“For _what?_ ” Stiles snarled. “Almost _killing_ you?”

If Theo had enough strength, he would smirk. Smirk at Stiles and say, _wasn’t that what you wanted?_ But he didn’t, so he settled on closing his eyes and whispering out, “For not telling her.”

“Goddammit, Theo, you almost _died_ ,” Stiles hissed under his breath, and Theo felt one corner of his mouth tilt up, just a little.

“I didn’t,” he responded. _But I will_. 

“They should be _here_ by now,” Stiles muttered, and Theo suddenly remembered that there were people _coming_. Not that it would affect him in any way— but it was nice to think about, the possibility that maybe he _wouldn’t_ die here. 

The room was silent for a while, save for Stiles’ harsh mumbling and Theo’s ragged breaths, and something about it felt _peaceful_ to Theo, even though it was the complete _opposite._ And somehow, Theo’s mind flashed back to his conversation with Liam, how the back of his mind had told him to memorize Liam’s eyes, and it was bittersweet now, that he’d been _right_. 

“Hey, Stiles?”

The inflection of his own voice felt _foreign_ to him, something about it reminding him of that moment all those years ago, back in the operating lab with Seb; something about it sounded like _Seb’s_ voice had back then, back when he was on the ground, bleeding out, seconds away from death. Stiles lifted his head, and Theo could tell he noticed it too, because Stiles looked _anxious_. 

“If I don’t—”

“ _No_ ,” Stiles interrupted him, his voice so _venomous_ that Theo was taken aback for a second. “Don’t you _dare_ say what I think you’re gonna say.”

Theo smiled, or at least he _tried_ to smile; it might’ve been more of a grimace at this point. “So dying is what it takes for Stiles Stilinski to forgive me, huh?”

“You _asshole_ ,” Stiles snapped, and Theo’s breath hitched as something in his stomach _twisted_ , “You’re not dying.”

Stiles’ heart skipped a beat, and that was weirdly _comforting_ , that Stiles wasn’t deluded enough to think that Theo was _actually_ not dying. Because Stiles had always been the realist to Scott’s idealist, and Theo didn’t need idealism right now, not when he was this close to death, not when he _knew_ he wasn’t making it, he didn’t need false optimism, he needed the _truth_. And the truth was that Theo was _going_ to die. There was no other way to say it, and Theo was glad that at least Stiles’ _heart_ had told him the truth. 

“Just let me talk,” Theo murmured, and Stiles’ scent moved in a _hundred_ different directions, but Theo was too tired to try and figure out what they were. “If I don’t make it—”

“ _Theo_ —”

“I said let me _talk_ ,” Theo said sharply, the extra effort resulting in a stab of pain in his chest. “If I don’t make it,” he repeated, his voice dropping back down, “Just… can you tell Liam that I— that I…”

Theo didn’t know how to finish the sentence, and his heart clenched. There were a _million_ things he’d tell Liam if he could, but now that he had the chance to tell Stiles to relay them, he couldn’t think of a _single_ way to say what he _wanted_ to. 

“Okay,” Stiles whispered, and Theo was grateful for the human’s ability to _understand_ , even without him _saying_ anything. Liam deserved better, better than _him_ , but Theo still _wanted_ , he fucking _wanted_. And it would never happen, _could_ never happen, and that was okay. It was _fucking_ okay. “But you’re not dying, Theo. You can tell him _yourself_ when we get out of here.”

Theo rested his head on the fence, staring up at the gray ceiling. “S’okay, Stiles, you don’t have to keep pretending that that’s true,” he croaked, hearing the way Stiles inhaled sharply when the words registered. Theo winced when he tried to move his arms, sharp jabs leaving his entire body aching, and it just _hurt_ so _fucking_ bad. His breathing was getting more and more labored as seconds passed, and Theo knew he didn’t have that much time left. 

It felt fitting, somehow, and Theo couldn’t explain it, didn’t really _want_ to explain it. 

Stiles felt something in the air shift too apparently, because he shuffled frantically, his voice growing panicked. “Theo, stay awake, they’re _coming_.”

Theo felt his head drop down, and the pain was _burning_ now, but he was still conscious enough to hear Stiles keep talking. 

“Theo, don’t _fucking_ close your eyes,” Stiles growled, “You have to stay _awake_.”

Just another thing to add to the list of things he couldn’t do, Theo thought bitterly, as his eyes finally drifted closed.

\---

Except then Theo woke up. 

Well, not really. His eyes didn’t open, but his senses slowly started filtering in his surroundings again— there was the metallic tang that hit the back of Theo’s throat that he immediately recognized as the hospital, and the couple of heartbeats he felt thudding steadily, and the smell of anxiety, fear, and hope all mixing together in the air. 

The last thing he remembered was his body going numb, so when he felt someone touch his head, he— well, he _would’ve_ jerked up, but he still wasn’t completely _awake_ yet, still didn’t have control over his body despite being able to _sense_ everything. The touch was both comforting and bittersweet, reminded him a little of when he was young, when his mother didn’t _completely_ hate him yet, and would brush his hair to the side gently just like someone was right now, and Theo felt more and more of his body coming back online.

“Why isn’t he _awake_ yet?” Theo heard, placed the voice as _Scott_ , and his chest warmed immediately, and it— it sent Theo into a mind-numbing _epiphany_ that he’d already accepted Scott as his _alpha_ , even though he wasn’t _aware_ that he had. 

Theo heard a sigh from beside him, and the hand on his head stopped moving. “He had a lot of wolfsbane in his system, I don’t even know _how_ he managed to stay conscious for as long as Stiles said he did.”

 _Stiles_. _The wolfsbane. Monroe._ Everything that had happened came rushing back at a dizzying speed, and Theo’s eyes flew open, a sharp inhale echoing from somewhere in the room as they did.

“ _Theo_ ,” Scott blurted out, and Theo blinked a few times, trying to reorient himself in the bright light of the hospital room. He felt a hand on his arm, and he turned to the side to see Melissa, a small, weary grin on her face.

“Hey,” she said softly, a stark contrast to Scott’s agitated tone, and Theo felt his body relax, almost unconsciously. “How do you feel?”

Theo stayed silent for a few moments, trying to— well, he wasn’t exactly sure _what_ he was trying to do. But Melissa didn’t push him, and Theo finally spoke up, his voice rough from disuse and a lot of other things. Screaming, for one. “Like I got ten pounds of wolfsbane injected into me,” he rasped out, and Melissa’s lips pursed.

“You’re not that far off from the truth,” she responded absentmindedly, turning away from him to check his vitals, and Scott moved closer to his bed. 

The alpha didn’t speak, just examined him for a little bit, until Theo shifted uneasily under the weight of his gaze. A muscle in Scott’s jaw ticked. “Stiles told me what you told him before you…”

 _Almost died_ , Theo finished in his head. Scott stared at him, and for once, Theo had absolutely _no_ idea what the alpha was thinking. “You made him promise not to tell,” Scott said, and Theo caught the traces of anger seeping into his voice. “You said you didn’t _care_ if you _died_ , Theo.”

Theo flinched back a little at the rage drifting off the alpha, and he heard Melissa whisper something, but it didn’t register in his head, he was only focused on Scott. “I— I just…” Theo huffed in frustration at his inability to articulate his thoughts, even though he _knew_ what he _wanted_ to say. “I didn’t want to be the reason you died again, okay?”

Scott and Melissa both froze, and Theo took the moment to adjust the bed slowly until he was sitting up, because the wolfsbane was out of his system now, and his healing was starting to take over— though he still wasn’t up to his usual strength. 

“Theo—”

“Don’t,” Theo cut Scott off, bone-deep exhaustion suddenly hitting him, and he tilted his head back against the bed, staring at the speckled ceiling. “The only thing Monroe wanted was to know where you were, and I… I couldn’t be the reason you got hurt. Not again.”

Scott exhaled, a short breath that sounded like he’d just been punched in the gut, and Theo lifted his head to see the alpha’s face crumple as he dropped into the chair against the side wall. “All this time,” Scott whispered, and Theo was taken aback at the _grief_ inflecting his tone, “All this time, and you _still_ think you’re not pack.”

Theo stilled, because he hadn’t _said_ it, at least not right _now_ , but Scott somehow seemed to know. Scott took in his reaction, and he leaned forward, his hands on his temples as he balanced his elbows on his thighs. Melissa rubbed Theo’s shoulder once, giving him a gentle, rueful smile, before slipping out of the room, the door closing behind her quietly. 

“In my defense,” Theo started, trying to lighten the atmosphere with a self-deprecating joke, because that was pretty much the only way he knew _how_ at this point, “I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one who thought that.”

Theo instantly realized that was _not_ a way to lighten the mood when Scott’s eyes flashed, and he stood up. “That’s the _thing_ , Theo,” Scott hissed, “ _No one_ else thought that.” Theo opened his mouth to argue, but Scott didn’t let him. “Not Malia, not even _Stiles_ ,” he stressed and Theo blinked in shock. Scott shook his head, looking away from Theo for a second before turning back. “Derek told me what he told you before, that you thought I only cared about _Stiles_ , and _god_ , I don’t know how else to make you _understand_ that you’re _pack_.”

Scott’s eyes flashed red again, and Theo tilted his head down a little as gold bled into his eyes, a subtle acknowledgement of what he’d already accepted before he had fully woken up. Scott’s expression shifted, surprise coloring his features, and Theo’s lips tilted up slightly. He didn’t _say_ anything, but he didn’t really need to. Scott stared for a couple of seconds before nodding, taking a deep breath as his fury drained out.

Theo pushed himself off the bed, and Scott immediately protested, but Theo ignored him, dropping his feet to the floor. Scott was at his side instantly, wrapping one of Theo’s arms around his shoulder when Theo’s knees buckled. “What are you doing, my mom—”

“I’m not a fan of hospitals,” Theo said bluntly, walking towards the door with Scott’s support. “I’m sure your mom will understand.”

“She really _won’t_ ,” Scott muttered, and Theo snorted, but pushed open the door nevertheless. They’d made it a couple of feet down the hallway when Theo suddenly felt a rush of air from behind him, and before he could do anything— his reflexes were _clearly_ still not up to par— he was pushed against the wall, his back hitting the surface roughly, the breath leaving his lungs in a forceful _oof_. 

Gold eyes stared into his, and Theo’s chest twinged at the pure _rage_ on Liam’s face. “Liam—”

Liam slammed his fist on Theo’s chest, and Theo cut himself off with a choke. He vaguely heard someone talking, _multiple_ someones talking, but Theo couldn’t pull his eyes off of the beta in front of him. “You said you’d be _fine_ ,” Liam snarled, slamming his other fist down, and Theo didn’t try to stop him, knew he _needed_ this. “You said you wouldn’t _die_.” Liam’s voice cracked on the last word, and he dropped his head onto Theo’s chest. “ _You said you’d be fine_.”

Theo’s arms wrapped around the beta, but Liam’s hands on his shirt had been the only thing holding him up, and despite his insistence to leave, Theo really wasn’t _fully_ healed yet, and he slid down the wall, Liam coming down with him, both of them folding as Liam scrunched the back of Theo’s shirt in his fists tightly, pushing his face further into Theo’s chest. “I’m sorry, Liam,” Theo whispered against Liam’s hair, because there was nothing _else_ to really say, “I’m sorry.” They stayed there, both of them trembling, and Theo didn’t know how _long_ they were there, but eventually Theo felt someone touch his shoulder lightly, and he lifted his head.

Lydia gave him a soft smile, her eyes darting to Liam once before moving back to him. “Scott managed to convince his mom to let you leave early,” she said gently, and Theo felt Liam’s hands clench tighter on his shirt behind him. “But only if you guys come back to Scott’s house.”

Theo was surprisingly okay with that, though maybe not _that_ surprising because _anywhere_ was better than here, and he nudged Liam, who released a shaky breath— one that Theo could _feel_ through his shirt, and he had to squeeze his eyes shut to fight off the shudder that threatened to run through him— before untangling himself from Theo slowly. He helped Theo stand up, an arm wrapping around Theo’s waist, and only then did Theo realize that they’d had an audience the entire time. 

Scott and Lydia had small smiles on their faces, which wasn’t that bad, but Mason and Brett were smirking knowingly, their eyes bright, and Theo couldn’t stop his cheeks from darkening. 

There were cars parked on the road in front of Scott’s house, some even extending over into the front of the neighbors' properties, and Theo winced internally when he realized that _everyone_ was here. Scott pushed open the front door, and apparently no one had told the others about Theo, because the room fell _completely_ silent when Theo walked in with Liam. Theo shuffled awkwardly when no one said anything, but then, as if a string _snapped_ , Alec _rushed_ forward, colliding into Theo with so much momentum that Theo’s back hit the wall for the second time today. 

“You _asshole_ ,” Alec snapped, but his shaky voice took some of the anger out of his words, and Theo really couldn’t do anything but wrap his arms around the young werewolf. His eyes met Derek’s over Alec’s head, the older werewolf quirking an eyebrow and Theo didn’t need a translation for the clear _I told you so_ radiating off of him. Alec finally pulled back a few moments later, and Theo stepped forward just to immediately be pushed back _again_. 

“Can you guys _stop_ with the pushing me into a wall thing?” Theo mumbled as Corey hugged him tightly, before releasing him, a crooked grin on his lips that didn’t really reach his eyes, and Theo’s chest contorted when he realized that there were people that _cared._ He’d had people— Derek and Scott— _tell_ him, but _seeing_ it was _wildly_ different from _hearing_ it. 

“Okay, let him sit down guys,” Scott urged, and Theo let Liam grab his hand and pull him towards one end of a couch, the other taken up by Malia. 

Malia punched his arm _hard_ the second he collapsed in between her and Liam, and Theo turned to her incredulously. “For almost dying,” the werecoyote explained with a hiss, “You better not fucking do it again.”

A startled laugh burst out of Theo’s mouth, and Malia’s lips twitched once before she looked away. Liam latched onto his arm and pulled him closer, and Theo really had no choice but to go, not that he was complaining or anything. The rest of the pack watched them with amusement, although the tension from what happened still lingered, and Theo knew it wouldn’t go away completely until he talked to everyone. Which he _really_ wasn’t looking forward to, but he also knew he didn’t really have a _choice_. He caught Stiles’ eye, and the human looked away immediately, his jaw clenching. _That_ conversation would _definitely_ not be fun, but once again, Theo wouldn’t have a choice, and a part of him knew he _needed_ it, despite a small part of him urging him to get up and run as far away as possible from Beacon Hills.

But for now, he let the feeling of Liam pressed up against the side of his body anchor him as everyone talked, slowly drifting off to sleep as he reveled in the feeling of _pack_. 

\---

Theo jumped when someone dropped into the chair next to him in the McCall’s kitchen, and he angled his head to the side. It was early, and Theo thought everyone had still been asleep, but _clearly_ , he’d been wrong.

This was a scent that Theo didn’t recognize, didn’t _know_ , but he knew _enough_ about Argent and Paris and Scott to put together who the person sitting next to him was.

“Isaac.”

Isaac’s lips curled up as he stared down at the counter. “Did your research, didn’t you, Raeken?”

Theo could sense the slight hostility behind his words, and there was no doubt in his mind that Isaac had been caught up on everything that had happened before. “Back from Paris?” he asked, not bothering to answer the werewolf’s question.

“For now,” Isaac replied, and there was something about the inflection in his voice that had Theo racking his mind, trying to figure out what it _meant_. “Heard you killed Scott.”

Theo _flinched_ , but he couldn’t _blame_ Isaac, knew that he was close to the pack, would’ve been surprised if he _didn’t_ bring it up. “Ye—”

“Heard you almost died trying not to betray him again,” Isaac cut him off, finally lifting his head to stare at Theo, and Theo blinked in shock. Despite his earlier animosity, Isaac’s scent wasn’t harsh anymore, had simmered down a little, and Theo could recognize the curiosity on his face, and even the… _gratitude_ in his scent. Isaac studied him for a few moments, probably doing the exact same thing Theo was doing to _him_ — monitoring his chemosignals. 

“Yeah,” Theo rasped out, clenching his jaw and turning away. He hadn’t expected _Isaac_ to be the first one he’d talk to, but well, he couldn’t do anything about it now. 

“I don’t think I need to tell you that if you try and pull something again, you won’t be here to try and redeem yourself, do I?” Isaac questioned in a low voice, and Theo didn’t have to try _hard_ to hear the barely-concealed threat in his words. 

“No,” Theo said, drumming his fingers on his sweatpants, “No, you don’t.” Isaac relaxed a little, sinking back into the chair, and Theo felt himself exhale slowly. Before either of them could say anything else, someone else entered the kitchen, and they both turned to see Argent and Melissa walk in, and Theo tensed slightly. 

“Morning, guys,” Melissa said good-naturedly, and Theo returned the greeting along with Isaac, before looking down. He could feel Argent and Isaac’s eyes on him, and he didn’t really want to try and figure out what that meant. “Theo, Scott might’ve convinced me to let you leave the hospital early, but that doesn’t mean you’re healed. You’re on house arrest today. _Here_.”

Theo looked up, meeting Melissa’s determined eyes, and he shook his head. “I’m fine, I have supernatural healing, remember?”

“You had _ten pounds of wolfsbane_ injected into you,” Melissa emphasized, repeating Theo’s words from the hospital back to him. “Supernatural healing or not, you’re on house arrest.”

“But—”

“I wouldn’t bother trying to argue,” Isaac mock-whispered to him, grinning when Melissa shot him a glare, “Take it from someone who’s tried before— you’ll lose.”

Theo turned from Isaac to Melissa, who cocked an eyebrow when she saw him hesitate. “Fine,” Theo muttered, and her lips pulled into a satisfied smile. 

“Now,” Melissa’s voice was light again, and she took out a pan from one of the cabinets. “All of you are helping me with breakfast, because this pack turns into _animals_ if they don’t get their food as soon as they get up. Chris, you start on the eggs. Isaac, I hope you learned how to toast bread without burning it in Paris,” she began to call out, and Isaac made an offended noise, but got up and headed towards the loaves of bread on the counter. “And Theo, can you mix the pancake batter?”

Theo was stock-still as he watched everyone bustle around in the kitchen, and it was only when Melissa said his name again that he shook himself out of his daze. “Uh, yeah,” he agreed quietly, “I can do that.”

Melissa gave him a small smile, handing him a bowl, and Theo felt like he was running on autopilot, not really _thinking_ about what he was doing, because he was still trying to figure out how Melissa had pulled him into this, _why_ she had, and he wordlessly handed the batter to her when he was done. 

“Thanks,” she grinned, and the whole scene was so _domestic_ that Theo felt so _out of place_ , and he didn’t even realize someone was staring at him until he looked up, catching Argent’s gaze. 

“Isaac, keep an eye on this for a minute,” Argent said to the werewolf, and Isaac was about to protest when he followed Argent’s gaze and he agreed, giving Theo a sympathetic grimace, like he knew what it felt like to be in Theo’s position. The hunter tilted his head towards the door, and Theo hesitated for a second before following him out.

They were both silent for a little while, and Theo shifted uneasily, glancing at Argent out of the corner of his eye. “What happened to…”

Argent turned to Theo, his mouth in a straight line. “Dead.”

Theo’s mouth parted in an _oh_ , not expecting that. He’d known that the pack had somehow saved him and Stiles, but he’d thought that Monroe had escaped again like she always did. Hearing that she was _gone_ for _good_ took him by surprise, but a part of him couldn’t really find it in himself to care that she _was_. Argent seemed to accurately read Theo’s reaction, because his lips twitched, a little amusement drifting off of him.

“You’re not Scott, Theo,” the hunter declared, “I won’t judge you if you wanted her dead. A lot of people did.”

Theo winced slightly, but Argent was right— he _wasn’t_ Scott, and even if he didn’t want to betray the pack, even if he _had_ changed from before, a part of him will always be more ruthless than Scott could ever be. But then his brain processed the latter half of what Argent said, and the weird tone the hunter had used, and the pieces connected in his head. 

“Thanks,” Theo said, and it was a little awkward, thanking someone for _killing_ someone, but Argent just snorted. 

“You looked like you were about to have a heart attack in there,” Argent drawled, and Theo turned to him, wary of the sudden change in topic. “Any reason why?”

The hunter’s face was stoic, and Theo pulled his gaze away. “You asking me or telling me?” he replied, because it was obvious that Argent was steering the conversation in a specific direction, and the man let out another snort, shaking his head.

“Nothing gets past you, does it?” Argent asked rhetorically, before sobering up. “You know that you wouldn’t be here unless they forgave you right?”

Theo’s breath hitched as the hunter hit the nail _right_ on its head. “Arge—”

“You’ve made mistakes, kid, but so have a lot of people in there,” Argent cut him off, pointing to the house. “You’re not the first person who tried to hurt the pack that Scott’s forgiven, and you won’t be the last. What matters is what you _do_ with your second chance.”

Theo heard what the hunter _wasn’t_ saying, heard the _I’ve done it too_ behind his words, and he met Argent’s steady gaze. Argent raised an eyebrow, and Theo stared for a couple of seconds before nodding slowly.

“Okay,” he mumbled, hearing the sounds in the house as the rest of the pack started to wake up, heard Stiles argue with Scott over who got to use the bathroom first, heard Liam’s indignant hiss when someone— probably Brett— ripped his blanket off. Argent was watching him carefully, and Theo looked away. “Okay.”

\---

Theo woke up to someone knocking on his front door, and he waited a few seconds to see if Alec would get up, but evidently, the werewolf was completely knocked out. Ever since the whole Monroe situation, Alec had been sleeping on Theo’s couch every night, not even bothering to sneak in anymore.

Eventually, Theo realized that waiting on Alec was pointless, and he sighed and padded down the stairs, a small smirk crossing his face when he saw the young werewolf, limbs _everywhere_ , tangled haphazardly in the blanket that Theo had permanently written of as Alec’s. 

Theo stilled when he pulled open the door, but didn’t say anything when Stiles walked in, who immediately paused when his eyes fell on Alec. 

Stiles looked between the sleeping werewolf and Theo. “He do this a lot?” the human asked quietly, and Theo rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. 

“Uh, yeah,” he replied, his eyes drifting to the blanket that was now practically on the floor, “He says it… helps him sleep.”

Stiles was silent, and Theo could tell that Stiles had come to take him somewhere else, just hadn’t expected Alec to be _here_. He walked to the pullout, gently shaking the werewolf. Alec grumbled groggily, and Theo waited until he was at least a _little_ conscious before talking. 

“Hey, I’m going out, okay?” Theo murmured, and Alec blinked wearily. “You know where the coffee is, and if you leave, just make sure you lock the door.” The werewolf stared for a few seconds, slowly processing the words in his sleep-addled brain, before nodding, and curling back into the bed again, and Theo pulled the blanket off the ground and draped it back over him. 

“Give me a few minutes to get ready,” Theo said to Stiles, who had been watching him silently the entire time, and the human nodded slowly, moving into the kitchen. Theo could still feel Stiles’ eyes on him as he went back up, and he mentally prepared himself for whatever situation he was willingly putting himself into as he entered the bathroom. 

Alec was still sleeping when he came back down, and Theo left out the mug that Alec always insisted on using on the counter before turning to Stiles. The human’s face revealed nothing as they walked to the Jeep, and all Theo could pick up from his chemosignals was a weird mix of surprise and exhaustion, if that even _had_ a scent. 

“Stiles,” Theo started, trying to break the heavy tension in the car, but Stiles’ grip tightened on the wheel as his scent wavered, and Theo cut himself off.

“Not yet,” Stiles gritted out, “Because I have a feeling you’re gonna say something that will piss me off more than I already am, and I don’t feel like trying to explain to my dad why my Jeep got totaled.”

Wonderful. At least Theo didn’t have to wonder what Stiles was thinking anymore. Five minutes of strained silence later, Stiles pulled up to Scott’s house, and Theo turned to him, confused.

“Scott didn’t want me talking to you alone,” Stiles muttered, and Theo put together the pieces pretty quickly. So the alpha was playing peacekeeper. _Great_. Theo held back a sigh as he followed Stiles into the house. Malia was nowhere to be seen, and even if they weren’t _close_ , the werecoyote _had_ warmed up to him a little, and Theo kind of wished she was here to diffuse the tension. 

“Hey, Theo,” Scott said with a grimace, and Theo exhaled a short laugh, because the alpha looked like he wanted to be _anywhere_ but here, and he couldn’t really blame him. “Stil—”

“Why do you think I asked you to help me with the wolfsbane thing?” Stiles asked suddenly, turning to Theo and Theo took a step back on instinct at the expression on his face. Guess Stiles wasn’t wasting any time with small talk. 

Theo’s eyes flickered to Scott, before moving back to Stiles. “Um, I was the only one down with arson?”

Scott bit back a small smile despite the situation, but Stiles huffed, his scent tanking. “Because you know how to get out of any situation,” Stiles snapped, and Theo blinked in surprise. “But then we got captured, and you _gave up_. You didn’t even _try_ , told me you didn’t _care_ if you died, and _I_ was the one who had to do it.”

 _Oh_. “Stiles, I don’t blame _you_ , Monroe would’ve shot me—”

“Shut the _fuck_ up,” Stiles snarled, and Scott took a step towards his best friend, but Stiles pushed his hand away. “ _God,_ I _hated_ you. I _hated_ you, Theo, for the _longest_ time, because you _killed_ Scott, and you were still _here_ , and I couldn’t help but think that you’d do it _again_ , but _no one_ else seemed to think the same, not even _Malia_ , and I _hated_ it. And then—” Stiles cut himself off to take a breath, and Theo felt his claws start to drop. But Stiles somehow saw the movement, and his eyes flashed. “I swear, Theo, if you do that _one_ more time, I’m gonna fucking pull your claws out,” he hissed, and Theo’s eyes widened. What the _fuck_. But Theo forced them back in, because Stiles looked just insane enough to follow through with the threat.

“And _then_ ,” Stiles continued, picking up where he left off, “Monroe gave you the chance to be _free_ , and you didn’t _take_ it, and despite everything I’ve seen that told me you’d changed, a small part of me thought you _would_ , but not only did _you_ not tell her, you made _me_ promise not to tell her.”

Theo wasn’t sure where Stiles was going with this recap, but he stayed silent, let the human say what he had clearly planned out before. 

“I could tell that you were dying,” Stiles’ voice dropped, but the words echoed in the room, suffocating Theo. “You kept saying you were _fine_ , that it would be _okay_ , but I could tell that you were lying the whole time, and you just kept on _pretending_. You had wolfsbane being injected into you, and Monroe kept making me turn the electricity up, and you just _pretended_ that everything was _fine_ , and _I_ was the one who had to hear you _screaming_.”

Holy _fuck_. Stiles’ words had grown louder and louder, and he was practically yelling as he finished, and Theo felt his stomach roll at the anger and guilt seeping into his voice. Theo knew what that felt like, hearing someone screaming in pain and not being able to do anything about it, had gone through it _enough_ times with the Dread Doctors, and a part of him hadn’t thought about what it would do to _Stiles_ when he told him not to tell Monroe. “Stiles, I’m _sorry_ , but—”

“Right before you passed out the first time,” Stiles interrupted, his voice hard, “You said something, and I think I already know, but I _need_ to make sure.” Theo’s brows knit together, and he turned to Scott, but the alpha looked just as lost as they both looked at Stiles. Theo didn’t remember saying _anything_ , had thought he was too caught up in the pain to speak. “You said ‘be free someday, Seb.’”

Theo staggered, his back hitting the wall behind him, and Scott’s head whipped to him, because _he_ knew who Seb was, even if Stiles didn’t. Well, _hadn’t_ , because he definitely knew now. _Fuck_ , he’d _said_ that? He’d been _thinking_ it, but apparently his filter had been decimated with all the wolfsbane and electricity, and Stiles was looking at him now, his mouth pulled into a straight line. 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Theo said into the quiet room, tilting his head back to rest on the wall as he exhaled sharply. He could feel both Stiles and Scott’s gazes on him, and he knew Stiles had figured it out, figured out what the words _meant_ , even without context, without Theo telling him _anything_ , and his eyes suddenly burned. 

_We’ll be free someday, T. Someday_. 

Theo had equated being free to being… 

_Fuck_.

“After you woke up,” Stiles’ voice was a little hoarse, and Theo tilted his head down to see the human exchanging a look with Scott. “You had this look on your face like you were thinking of something else the whole time, and Jesus _christ_ , Theo, you just _accepted_ it. By the time everyone finally showed up, I thought you were _dead._ You didn’t even _try_ —”

“I _didn’t_ , okay?” Theo cut him off, his throat closed up, and the words _hurt_ as they left. “Because I _knew_ I was dying, and there was no _point_.”

“You could’ve _tried_ —”

“Tried to do what, Stiles?” Theo snapped, and Scott was caught in the middle now, but Theo had a feeling he was on Stiles’ side for this one. “Tried to delude myself into thinking I was _fine?_ I wasn’t, and we _both_ knew that. But it wasn’t _your_ fault, no matter what Monroe said, and if that’s what this is about, then—”

“That’s _not_ what this is about,” Stiles took a step forward, and Theo steeled his expression. “You— you were trying to do the right thing, even though it was _stupid_ cause Scott would’ve been _fine_. I’m not _mad_ at you for that, even though what happened is at least _partly_ my fault. So, I—” Stiles let out a sigh, and Theo saw all of his energy just _drain_ out of him. “I’m sorry.”

Theo stilled. “You have _nothing_ to be sorry about,” he growled, because he did _not_ want Stiles’ apology, didn’t _deserve_ it. “I _swear_ , Stiles, if you try to apologize _one_ more time—”

“What?” Stiles’ eyes flashed, “What would you do, Theo, huh? Dig your claws into your _own_ hand? Try to be _free?_ ”

Theo _reeled_ back, and Scott turned to Stiles with a disbelieving look. “ _Stiles—_ ”

“I _know_ ,” Stiles cut Scott off, his eyes narrowed as he looked back at Theo. “But he _needs_ to hear this—”

“Why do you _care?_ ” Theo finally found his voice again, and the words were _harsh,_ felt like they were being ripped from his throat _painfully_. “Why do you _fucking_ care what I do, Stil—”

“Because despite what you _think_ ,” Stiles interjected with a scowl, “I don’t want you _dead_. And you’re _dying_ , Theo, I can _see_ it.” Theo’s mouth parted, but Stiles kept talking, not even giving Theo the _chance_ to interrupt. “What would _Seb_ say if he saw you like this, huh? Would he be _okay_ with it?”

Theo _lunged_ , gripping Stiles’ collar and pushing him against the wall roughly, and he could hear Scott’s startled yelp, but he ignored it. “Shut the _fuck_ up,” he snarled, but Stiles just glared back. “Don’t you _fucking_ talk about him—”

Scott pulled Theo off of Stiles, standing between them with his arms extended and a wary look on his face. “Both of you, sit down. _Now_.” Theo scowled, but Scott didn’t budge until the both of them were sitting on opposite sides of the room. Scott took a deep breath, finally stepping back from the middle of the room. “Okay _now_ , we’re gonna talk about this like _adults_ , so _stay_ in your seats.” 

And in spite of everything that just happened, Theo’s lips quirked up, because Scott seemed to be stepping into his role as _pack parent_ more and more every day. Stiles seemed to be thinking the same thing, because an amused look crossed his face. 

“Okay, _dad_ ,” Theo mumbled, and Stiles snorted. Scott looked _exhausted_ as he looked between them, and he shook his head incredulously. 

“ _You_ had _him_ pinned to the wall not even _ten_ seconds ago, and now you’re _joking_ around together?” Scott asked. “You two are gonna give me grey hair, I _swear_.”

The reminder of their fight sobered Theo and Stiles up immediately, and Theo clenched his fists, though his claws didn’t poke out. Scott noticed the sudden shift in mood, and he sighed. “Stiles, don’t you think bringing up S—”

“I’ve blocked out my past for _years_ ,” Theo hissed viciously, “So if you guys could _stop_ bringing it up in every other sentence, I’d appreciate it—”

“That’s the fucking _problem_ ,” Stiles interrupted angrily. “You _think_ you’re _blocking it out_ , but you’re _not_. You’re just _stuck_ in the past, and you won’t _move on_. And _trust_ me,” Stiles spat the words out, and Theo was a little taken aback at the _bitterness_ in his voice, “I _know_ what that’s like, and I can tell you that it doesn’t _work_.”

 _The Nogitsune_ , Theo filled in the blank, and Stiles pressed his lips together and looked away when he saw that Theo understood. “You think I can’t see what you’re trying to do?” Stiles questioned, his voice quiet all of a sudden. “You think I didn’t do the _exact_ same thing before I realized that I was slowly _losing my mind_ trying not to think about it? I know we make a _lot_ of jokes about therapy, but _honestly?_ ” Stiles’ gaze was piercing when he looked back at Theo. “We’d all be hell of a lot better off if we went.”

“I didn’t come here for a sales pitch about _therapy_ ,” Theo said dryly, and a muscle in Stiles’ jaw jumped. 

“Yeah, I _know_ ,” Stiles huffed, “We’re all too fucked up to even _consider_ going, and you’re probably the worst one out of all of us. You and Derek might be tied for that, actually.” Theo’s mouth parted, giving Stiles an aporetic look, because how the _fuck_ did the conversation get _here?_ “What I’m _trying_ to say is,” Stiles continued, “Your coping mechanisms are _horrid_ , and if Seb was here to see what you’re doing, I’m sure he’d be horrified too.”

Theo ground his teeth together at Seb’s name, and Scott sighed when he saw Theo’s claws poke holes into the pillow next to him. “I _said_ ,” Theo growled, “Stop _bringing him up_.”

“ _No_ ,” Stiles countered. “You’ve gone your entire life _hiding_ and _running_ away when the truth hits too close to home, and you’re gonna run _yourself_ into the _ground_ if you keep doing it. Would Seb _really_ want—”

“Shut _up_ ,” Theo barked, pushing himself off the chair, as Stiles did the same. Scott took a step towards him, but Theo didn’t make any move towards Stiles. He saw Scott pull out his phone out of the corner of his eye, but he pushed it to the back of his mind, focusing on Stiles. “ _Seb_ wanted a _lot_ of things, and he got _none_ of it because he _died_ ,” Theo spat out, his eyes bleeding gold as he started to lose control. “And _I_ had to watch him _die_ in _front of me_ , had to watch the life _drain out of him_ , and I couldn’t do a _fucking_ thing about it.”

Stiles and Scott were both frozen in shock as Theo felt his fangs and claws elongate, and he let out a subvocal growl, rolling his neck and trying to force them back in, but failing. “And the Doctors killed him because of _me_ , because _I_ got too _attached_ , and Seb _knew_ that when he was _dying_ , but he didn’t even _care_ , just wanted me to _go_ before they came _back._ ” Theo didn’t know _why_ he was telling them all of this, but his control was _completely_ out of reach now, and he knew his attempt to stop his shift wasn’t working, cause his words were a little slurred as they wove around his fangs. “Don’t _tell_ me what Seb wanted, cause I _know_ what he’d want for me, and I don’t _deserve it_ ,” Theo heaved, his voice _deafening_ in the silent room. “I don’t block out Seb because I’m _scared of the truth_ , I block it out because if I _don’t,_ I have to watch him die _over and over again_ every _fucking_ night knowing that it was _my_ fault that he was _killed_.”

Theo was fully shifted now, and Stiles took a step back. “Theo—”

“You think you have me all _fucking_ figured out,” Theo thundered, “You don’t know _shit_ about me, Stiles—”

“ _Maybe_ ,” Stiles planted his feet down and his arm flailed to the side, “Maybe I _don’t_ know _shit_ about you, Theo, but I _do_ know shit about _me_. And I _know_ what it’s like to blame yourself for your friend’s death, _believe me_ , I _know_. And you’re to blame for a _lot_ of things, but not _Seb_.”

“Yes, I _am_ ,” Theo said harshly, “He wasn’t even _fifteen_ , had his _entire_ life in front of him, and _I_ took that away from him. Took that away from Tara, and Josh, and Tracy, and _Seb_. They’d all be _here_ if I _wasn’t_ , so don’t _fucking_ tell me that I’m not to blame, because I _am_.”

Theo couldn’t stop himself anymore— his claws dug into his palm, a last frantic effort to try and regain control. Stiles and Scott’s eyes immediately flew to his hand, and they both stepped forward, but Theo took a step back on instinct.

“ _Fine_ ,” Stiles screeched, throwing his arms up in exasperation. “You don’t think you deserve forgiveness, don’t think you made up for anything, right? So what do you _want_ , Theo? Want to go back to _hell?_ Is _that_ what you want?”

The metallic scent of his blood congested Theo’s throat, and suddenly, he couldn’t _breathe_ , his mind flashing to _Tara_ , and the _morgue_ , and all the times he tried to _run_ , and then all the times he _didn’t_ , had stood there, whispering _you don’t have to stop_ over and over again, because that’s what he _deserved_. Theo’s breath hitched, and his throat was _closed_ now, his vision was blurring, and he faltered back, and he heard voices, but he couldn’t _listen_ , couldn’t even fucking _breathe_ , because the cacophony of voices in his _head_ were too _goddamn_ loud, telling him he didn’t _deserve_ this, should’ve _stayed_ in hell. His chest constricted, his lungs _gasping_ for air, but nothing _worked_ , and Theo couldn’t even see anything in front of him, his vision tunnelling. He could almost picture Tara, right _there_ in front of him, her cold smile and her low voice, the way her fingers _burned_ when she shoved her hand into his chest, taking back what was _hers_ , because Theo didn’t deserve anything less. His hand pressed against his chest, right above his heart, and it was _pounding_ , and that didn’t _help_ , and Theo could feel himself _gasping_ for breath, but he still _couldn’t breathe_.

“ _Theo!_ ”

A sweet scent infiltrated Theo’s senses, and he froze. 

“Theo, you have to _breathe_ , c’mon, _breathe_ ,” the voice repeated over and over and over again, and Theo latched onto that syrupy smell, and the subtle earthy scent behind it, and Theo _knew_ that scent, knew it like the back of his _hand_. “ _Breathe_ , Theo.”

Theo didn’t know when his eyes had closed, but when he opened them, all he saw were bright, blue eyes, swimming with emotion. 

" _Liam?_ ”

Liam _choked_ , and that’s when Theo realized they were on the _floor_ , because Liam yanked him closer, Theo’s face pushed into the space between Liam’s ear and collarbone as Liam squeezed him tight. Theo didn’t even realize he was shaking until Liam ran a hand down his spine, whispering, “It’s okay, you’re okay,” again and again. Theo’s claws had been pulled out of his hand, and he felt his skin finish stitching back together.

When Theo’s breathing finally returned to normal, he slowly pulled away, suddenly remembering something. “What are you doing here?” he asked Liam, his voice hoarse, whose lips pulled into a frown as he glanced up. _Shit_. Theo had forgotten about Stiles and Scott, and he followed Liam’s gaze to find the two teenagers staring at Theo.

Scott’s mouth was tight, and Theo vaguely remembered seeing Scott pull out his phone a while back. But Stiles’ expression was different, was completely _open_ , and Theo could read the guilt in his eyes, and the understanding on his face. 

“I’m sorry,” Stiles blurted out when he saw Theo return his stare, “I… I wasn’t thinking, I shouldn’t have brought that up—”

“It’s okay, Stiles,” Theo croaked out, dropping his head onto Liam’s shoulder, and taking a deep breath. He suddenly felt _exhausted_ , but he knew this wasn’t over yet, no matter how much he wanted it to be. “The answer to your question is no, by the way.”

“I shouldn’t have said that,” Stiles repeated firmly, dropping down onto the ground next to him, Scott following him after a second. “Cause that’s not what I was trying to say, I was trying to—”

“Tell you that you’ve _changed_ ,” Scott finished, and Theo lifted his head to look at the alpha, although Liam shuffled closer to him when he did, wrapping his arms around him, and Theo was grateful for it, even though he didn’t know _what_ they even _were_ , because what he _did_ know was that Liam’s scent calmed him down. “That we _forgive_ you, and you need to forgive _yourself_.”

Theo’s breath got caught in his throat at the sincerity in Scott’s voice, and Liam pressed his face further into Theo’s neck. “They’re right,” Liam mumbled into his skin, “You really think you’d be pack if you hadn’t changed?”

Theo studied Stiles for a moment, remembered what the human had said, and he clenched his jaw. “You said,” Theo started, clearing his throat to get rid of the roughness in his voice. “You said you used to do the same thing _before_ ,” he said, watching as understanding dawned on Stiles. “How did— what changed?”

Stiles looked down at his hands, his fingers fidgeting, and Theo’s eyes followed them, finding something comforting about the constant movement. “I _listened_ to my _friends_ ,” Stiles answered, and Theo flinched at the emphasis, because _clearly_ , Theo hadn’t been doing that. “Forgiving yourself is the hardest thing you’ll ever go through, and I haven’t fully done it yet either. But it doesn’t get better unless you _try_ , Theo.”

“And we’re here to help you try,” Scott added, and Theo could feel a subtle tug in his head, evidence of the pack connection to his alpha. “Everyone deserves a second chance, Theo. Don’t waste yours holding yourself back because you don’t think you deserve it.”

\---

Theo’s eyes flew open when he heard someone walking towards his bed, and he sat up, rubbing his eyes and blinking a few times until his vision cleared. Liam lifted the covers up, slipping his legs under them as he sat next to Theo, their arms and thighs pressed together.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Theo asked unnecessarily, because that was the only reason Liam ever showed up at his apartment in the middle of the night. 

“Yeah,” Liam replied, and Theo’s head whipped to the side when the beta’s heart skipped a beat. Liam tilted his head down quickly, and Theo stared at him, his brain still foggy from sleep. “Uh, that might’ve been a lie.”

Theo snorted, tilting his head back against the headboard. “ _Might’ve?_ ”

Embarrassment rolled off the beta, and Theo was so _confused_. But then Liam shifted closer, and Theo felt _his_ heart skip a beat. He turned to Liam, planning on asking what the _fuck_ was going on, but before he could, the beta intertwined their fingers together between them. It happened so fast, that Theo didn’t even have _time_ to tense.

Theo’s heart started _racing_ as he stared down at their interlaced hands, and he slowly lifted his head to look at Liam. 

Even in the dark, Theo could see Liam’s cheeks darken, and the beta opened and closed his mouth a couple of times, with no sound coming out either time. Finally, he raised their entangled hands. “Is this… okay?”

Was this _okay?_ Theo felt like his heart was about to beat _out of his chest_ , and Liam must’ve finally realized, because his lips quirked up as he stared at Theo. Theo _knew_ his scent was probably going _crazy_ , because he wasn’t controlling it like he usually did. “You—”

Liam cut Theo off, suddenly moving closer and resting his head on Theo’s shoulder. “You told me you’d be fine.”

All amusement suddenly faded, and Theo swallowed dryly as Liam’s head nestled further into his shoulder. “Yeah, I know.”

“You weren’t fine.”

“Yeah,” Theo repeated, his voice _raw_ , thick with _emotion_ , although Theo didn’t know _what_ emotion, because _you only feel one emotion at a time_ was a fucking _lie_ , “I’m _sorry_.”

Liam shuffled down, dragging Theo with him, and this was _new_ , because _before_ , they’d always fallen asleep sitting up, even if they moved later during the night, they’d never _started_ lying down, but Theo didn’t resist as Liam pulled at his hand until Theo’s head fell onto the pillow. 

They were silent for a few minutes, but it didn’t feel _awkward_ , no matter how hard Theo tried to convince himself it was. Liam’s hand was still intertwined with his, and he felt the beta slowly move his thumb, drawing small circles into Theo’s wrist. Theo had to force the shudder that he felt rising _down_ , but Liam didn’t stop, kept rubbing his skin lightly over and over. He remembered all the times that he’d been awake, after Liam had fallen asleep next to him, staring at the beta’s hand that was _inches_ away from his, and had clenched his hand until it _hurt_ trying to stop himself from intertwining it with Liam’s, and now, Liam had done it _first_ , and Theo was struggling to _understand_. Understand what it _meant_ , if it even meant _anything_ , or if it was just Liam being Liam, in that overly tactile way of his, like he was with _everyone_. 

“Do you have your phone?” Liam asked suddenly, and Theo jumped a little at the sudden noise, and nodded. “Can I see it for a second?”

Theo’s brows furrowed, but he reached over to his nightstand with his free hand, dropping the phone onto Liam’s chest, and the beta immediately picked it up, swiping over to the camera.

And Theo knew what was happening before Liam did it, but his eyes still instinctively closed at the bright flash. “What’s the occasion?” he asked softly, and Liam turned to him, his eyes _electric_ when they were this _close_. 

“I was lying that day,” Liam whispered, and Theo pulled his head back a little, puzzled. “You don’t really need a momentous occasion to take a picture.”

Theo’s mind flashed to the first time Liam had snuck into his apartment in the middle of the night, the first time he’d fallen asleep on Theo’s shoulder. The picture he’d taken that night was still in his camera roll, and Theo remembered justifying it then with the fact that it was a _momentous occasion_ , but _now?_ Maybe _part_ of it was because it felt like a _momentous occasion_ , but _honestly_ , he’d just _wanted_ to take a picture of him and Liam. 

Theo reached for his phone, and Liam handed it over with a questioning look on his face. Theo unlocked his phone, swiping over to his camera roll, and wordlessly gave the phone back to Liam with the picture pulled up. 

Liam’s mouth parted when he realized what he was looking at, and he slowly moved his head between the phone and Theo. “You… took a picture of us? _When?_ ”

Theo flushed, although it wasn’t really visible in the dark room since they were _lying down_ , which he was insanely thankful for. His tongue felt heavy in his mouth as he explained. “Uh, the first time you… came over in the middle of the night. Felt like a _momentous occasion_ at the time.”

Liam gaped at him, his eyes wide, and Theo started to shrink back self-consciously. “I can delete it if you wan—”

Theo’s words were cut off before he could finish the sentence, and the _reason_ was because Liam climbed on _top_ of him, pushing his face into Theo’s neck, Theo’s legs framing his as he basically used Theo as a pillow. “ _Liam—_ ”

“Sleep, Theo.”

Theo’s eyes were wide, still trying to figure out how they’d gone from taking a _picture_ to _this_ , and Liam lifted his head up.

“ _Sleep_ ,” Liam stressed, and he dropped his head down onto Theo’s chest, wrapping his arms around his waist. Theo stiffened, for a split-second, before relaxing again, because this was _Liam_ , and if there was _one_ person Theo felt like he didn’t have to put _all_ his walls up with, was starting to put _none_ up with, it was _him_. Liam snuggled deeper, and Theo hesitantly wrapped his arms around Liam’s back. 

A small, helpless grin tugged at his lips when he felt Liam smile into his shirt.

\---

“You don’t believe me, do you?” Theo asked Stiles as they sat on the bleachers, not looking at him as he watched Scott, Liam, Isaac, and Brett scrimmage on the lacrosse field. Theo didn’t really know why Stiles hadn’t joined them, instead dropping down next to Theo when he had walked onto the field with Scott and Isaac. 

Stiles snorted. “Believe you about what?”

Theo angled his head towards the human, studying him carefully, and gauging his reaction as he said the next words. “That what happened wasn’t your fault.” 

The reaction was immediate— Stiles stiffened momentarily, before his shoulders fell, and he looked _bone-deep_ weary. He avoided Theo’s gaze, clenching his jaw as he kept his eyes on the field as Scott threw the ball into the net, Brett failing to block it. “I was the one turning the dial, Theo. I’m _pretty_ sure that makes it my fault,” Stiles said dryly, but Theo knew _all_ too well what hiding behind sarcasm looked like, and he wasn’t falling for it.

“Monroe had a gun to my head,” Theo pointed out, “If you didn’t turn the dial, I would’ve _actually_ died, and you _know_ that.”

“Doesn’t make it better,” Stiles replied bitterly, and Theo could sense the guilt radiating off the human even without reading his chemosignals. “I know you were holding back your screams because of _me_ , and when you _stopped_ because you _couldn’t_ anymore, I—” Stiles’s voice was low and dark, and Theo _felt_ it in his chest. “Hearing you scream like that, when I couldn’t do anything, when _I_ was the _reason_ , it…”

“I know,” Theo whispered when Stiles trailed off, because he _did_. Stiles lifted his head to look at him, and must’ve seen something on Theo’s face that revealed what he was talking about, because his eyes dimmed in understanding. “I don’t regret doing it,” Theo said, because even if he could go back, he wouldn’t stop himself from making Stiles promise not to tell Monroe, he would do the _exact_ same thing, over and over. “So if you’re waiting for an apology for _doing_ it, you’re not getting one. But I—” Theo ground his teeth together as memories flashed through his mind, one after the other, because of _course_ it hadn’t just been _once_ , he’d been in Stiles’ place _multiple_ times when he was younger. “I know what that feels like, so I’m sorry that you had to…”

He didn’t finish the sentence, but he didn’t really need to— both of them knew _exactly_ what Theo was saying. Stiles stared at him for another moment before facing forward again, his lips curling up in a wry smirk. “Look at us, bonding over witnessing torture,” the human drawled, “We’re so _fucked_ up.”

Theo let out a snort, his eyes drawn to Liam when he cheered as Scott tackled Isaac. His smile was so _blinding_ that Theo was frozen for a moment, before he pulled himself back to what he was doing, and he turned to Stiles. The human’s smirk had changed into something more genuine, and Theo felt the tips of his ears turn pink as he pretended nothing had happened. “I don’t think _any_ of us _aren’t_ ,” he muttered, in response to what Stiles had said. 

“Hey, losers,” Brett called out, “If you could stop sharing your trauma stories, that’d be nice. You’re bringing down the mood.” 

Theo’s lips quirked up, and he caught Liam’s gaze. The beta’s eyes twinkled, and before Theo or Stiles could say anything back to Brett, the tall werewolf was hitting the ground face-first, Liam tackling him. 

“Liam,” Scott chastised, not unlike a disappointed parent, and Theo snickered, standing up and walking onto the field, Stiles following close behind.

“You know, I didn’t believe them when they told me about the whole pack dad thing,” Isaac said with a small smirk, gesturing to Theo and Stiles, “But I see it now.” Stiles grinned, ruffling Scott’s hair, much to the alpha’s chagrin. 

Liam pushed off the ground, making his way to Theo. “You owe me for that,” he said to Theo, who turned to him with an incredulous look.

“I owe you for tackling Brett?” he asked slowly, although his lips twitched when said werewolf got up, mumbling curses under his breath. 

“You’re an asshole, Raeken,” Brett said out loud, his eyes narrowing, and Theo raised his hands in surrender. 

“I didn’t even _say_ anything to him,” Theo defended himself, and Brett rolled his eyes, reaching out and pushing Liam’s head forward. 

Before their play-fighting could turn into _actual_ fighting, Scott cut in, and Theo had a hard time holding back his laughter as the alpha, once again, took advantage of his role as one of the pack’s parental figures. 

Stiles was having just as hard of a time reeling in his snickers, but when their eyes met, their amusement faded a little, both of them remembering what they’d been talking about before. But then Stiles nodded subtly and tilted his lips back up into a wide grin as he teased Scott, and Theo pulled his gaze away, something in his chest settling. 

\---

“I was wondering when you’d show up,” Theo called out, not turning around as he pulled out leftovers from his fridge. Maybe he should be a _little_ more worried about the fact that the werewolf had broken into his apartment, but well, it was _his_ building.

Derek snorted, crossing his arms over his chest as Theo spun around, dropping the plastic container onto the counter. “I’m not above saying ‘I told you so,’” he said, and Theo’s lips quirked up. 

“Funny,” Theo drawled in a dry tone, shuffling in the drawers for a utensil, but somehow, _all_ of them were in the sink. Theo pushed the drawer close, resigning himself to the fact that he wasn’t eating lunch today. Derek watched him for a few seconds, before rolling his eyes.

“C’mon, there’s a new burger place a few blocks away,” the werewolf said, and Theo stilled, gaping at him. 

“Why?” Theo asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion, and Derek looked at him with an annoyed expression on his face.

“You’re really asking me why I’m suggesting we go out to eat when you don’t have a single clean utensil in your apartment?”

“No, I’m asking why you’re suggesting _we_ go out to eat,” Theo retorted, because he felt like he’d fallen asleep while watching a movie and had woken up to the last scene. When did their cautious tolerating-each-other-during-pack-meetings relationship suddenly become one where Derek was inviting him to _lunch_ , like they were _friends?_

“Can you put aside your cynicism and shut up for an _hour_ so we can eat?” Derek asked, irritation creeping into his voice, and Theo leaned against the counter.

“From what I’ve heard, you’re just as cynical,” Theo noted, and Derek stiffened. “So what’s with the sudden altruism?”

“You and Stiles are the _same_ person,” Derek muttered, walking over to Theo and grabbing his sweater and pushing him towards the door. “Shut the fuck up and walk.”

“You know,” Theo said after a few minutes of silence, because did Derek _really_ think he’d listen to him, “If this is how you make friends, I can see why you don’t have many.”

Derek shot him a glare as they left the building. “Keep talking, and I’m gonna tell Scott you want to host the next pack party at your apartment.”

Theo stopped walking, staring at Derek incredulously. The werewolf’s gaze didn’t waver, and Theo shook his head as he started walking again. “Scott wouldn’t believe you.”

“Maybe,” Derek said, his voice light, “But Stiles would force you to do it anyway if he finds out.”

That was… accurate, Theo thought reluctantly, his face twisting at the thought of hosting the _entire_ pack at his apartment. He’d rather sit through an entire lacrosse game than do _that_. And Derek seemed to have no qualms about carrying through with his threat, so Theo huffed and dropped the topic. “Never thought blackmailing was your kind of thing,” Theo mumbled as Derek pulled open the door of the burger place, throwing him a dry look.

By the time they sat down with their food, Theo was more than a little _anxious_ , because this wasn’t _normal_ , he didn’t know _why_ Derek was doing this, and Derek must’ve picked up on it, because he scowled before putting his burger down.

“Your anxiety is giving _me_ a headache,” Derek deadpanned, and Theo stilled. “Can you just ask what you want to?”

Theo tapped his fingers on his jeans, staring at a stain on the table, and repeated the question he asked back in his apartment. “Why?”

Derek sighed, leaning back in his chair, and crossing his arms over his chest. “Stiles told me that you were as bad at letting people in as _I_ was, but I didn’t believe it till now.” Theo inhaled sharply, his eyes darting up to meet Derek’s. “Is it that hard to believe that I’m being _nice_ since you _clearly_ didn’t have any food at your apartment?”

“You’re not _nice_ ,” Theo said in a low voice, his hands curling on the edge of the table as he narrowed his eyes at the werewolf. “So what _gives?_ ”

An exasperated expression crossed Derek’s face. “You think no one understands you, think that you’re _past_ saving, Theo,” he snapped, and Theo blanched. “And I _know_ what that’s like, and I’m trying to help you save you from _yourself_ , before you end up _dead_.”

Theo was frozen, thinking back to everything he knew about the werewolf sitting in front of him. He hadn’t been necessarily _important_ back when Theo was trying to take down the McCall pack, because he wasn’t even _there_ , but Theo had still done the research, just in case. Derek had not only lost his _family_ , he’d lost his _pack_. Derek’s glare was unwavering as he watched understanding dawn on Theo, and Theo blinked a few times, forcing his innate distrust to the side. 

“Stiles said something the other day,” Theo started slowly, still _hesitant_ , “That we’re tied for the most fucked-up in the pack.”

Derek’s stoic expression broke, surprise trickling in before a bitter smirk pulled at his lips. “He said the same thing to me yesterday.”

Theo quirked a brow. So this _was_ Stiles’ doing— the human had _wanted_ Theo and Derek to talk, to be _friends_. “Your boyfriend’s too nosy for his own good,” he quipped, picking up a fry and twisting it between his fingers.

Derek rolled his eyes, standing up, and Theo followed, throwing away their trash before walking out, ignoring the weird looks they were getting from the workers. It was strange, the way the whole town seemed to ignore their existence, just _pretended_ everything was like it was before, but Theo didn’t _mind_ it— people left them alone, and that was enough for him. 

“So how is this supposed to work,” Theo asked in a light tone as they began walking back to the apartment building, “Is it like a competition? We go back and forth trying to one-up each other with our shitty pasts?” A small smile tugged at the werewolf’s mouth, and Theo felt his lips curl up in response. “But just so you know,” he warned, “I’m not letting you braid my hair or gossip about boys.”

Derek let out a short laugh, shoving Theo lightly, and Theo felt his shoulders relax. Okay, _maybe_ Stiles was right about this. Just this once.

\---

Theo leaned back into the sofa and tilted his head back onto Liam’s knee, closing his eyes. 

“Theo, open your eyes, or I’m gonna make you watch this again from the beginning,” Stiles threatened, and Theo scowled at the human, not moving his head.

“You’re the _only_ one paying attention to the movie right now, asshole,” Theo muttered, gesturing vaguely at the rest of the room. Scott and Malia were cuddling, the werecoyote not even _pretending_ like she was watching anymore, and Lydia was looking down at her phone, the bright screen illuminating her face. The Puppy Pack wasn’t much better, with Corey and Mason curled up on the other end of the couch Liam was on, and Brett and Nolan sitting next to each other, sneaking unsubtle glances when the other one wasn’t looking. And Alec and Lori were huddled over a phone, watching _something_ that was more interesting than _Star Wars_ , because Stiles was pretty much the _only_ one who cared _this_ much that he was forcing _everyone_ to watch it with him. 

“I don’t care,” Stiles warned, “You’re not allowed to sleep.”

Theo groaned, rolling his head so that it was on Liam’s thigh instead, and the beta smirked down at him, a hand making its way to Theo’s hair. “You’re not even tired, you slept fine last night,” Liam murmured and Theo looked up into his eyes, sighing. 

“You’re underestimating how exhausting watching this movie is,” Theo replied, ignoring Stiles’ offended yelp. Liam snickered, continuing to card his fingers through Theo’s hair, and Theo unconsciously leant into the touch. Blunt fingernails scratched at his scalp, and Theo stiffened, a shudder running through him. Liam froze, his blue eyes piercing as he stared down at Theo, and his lips twitched before he pulled his hand away.

Theo was about to complain, when Liam got up and grabbed Theo’s hand, yanking him up and pulling him towards the kitchen. “I have to show you something, c’mon.”

Theo was startled, hurriedly trying to catch his balance as Liam tightened his grip, ignoring the way Stiles grumbled _you mean your dick_ , and the way the rest of the pack broke into soft snickers. He felt a flush rise on the back of his neck, but Liam didn’t release him until they were in the kitchen, and it wasn’t far _enough_ that the supernaturals in the other room wouldn’t be able to hear them, but at least it gave them the _semblance_ of privacy. 

Liam let go of his hand and stood in front of him, lowering his head, suddenly looking _incredibly_ shy despite his earlier determination. “I, uh, I actually _did_ have something to show you,” he mumbled, and Theo’s brows furrowed as he leaned back against the counter and watched Liam pull out his phone. 

Theo didn’t really have anything to _say_ as Liam handed him the phone, his fingers anxiously drumming against his thigh, and Theo looked down at the screen. His eyes widened, recognizing the outline of his upper-body and face, Liam’s head in the corner of the picture, both illuminated by the harsh flash of the camera, and he stared as he realized when Liam had taken the picture. It was the night Liam had first held his hand, had crawled on top of him after, but this was clearly after Theo had fallen asleep, and that in itself was _absurd_ , because _Liam_ usually fell asleep first, and Theo slowly looked up at the beta, his mouth parted, but he didn’t really know _what_ to say.

“Proof,” Liam blurted out, and Theo tilted his head, _confused_. “Of what I said. I already took another one that night, so this one’s not because of a momentous occasion, it was just because I _wanted_ to, and I…”

Liam trailed off, and Theo could hear the beta’s heart _racing_ in his chest, but he couldn’t really say anything about that, because _his_ heart was beating _just_ as fast, and his mind was trying to come up with _something_ to say, because Liam _wasn’t_ saying anything, and now they were standing in silence, staring at each other in shock, or anxiety, or nervousness, or… or something _else_. 

“Liam,” Theo rasped out, his voice _hoarse_ , because this wasn’t _that_ big, all things considered, but it felt _significant_ somehow, like something had _shifted_ , and Theo couldn’t explain _what_ , but it was _something_ , and his mouth felt _dry_ , his tongue too thick in his mouth. “I—”

What Theo would’ve said at that moment was a mystery that even _he_ wouldn’t know, because suddenly, Liam’s lips were on his, and his mind went _blank_. His hips pressed harder into the counter, Liam’s hands tightening around them as he pushed back, and Theo pressed back into him _just_ as hard, and Liam was _right_ there, his scent _intoxicating_ as it suffocated Theo in the best way, and he was stealing the air _right_ out of his lungs, and Theo couldn’t _breathe_ , but that was _fine_ , as long as _this_ didn’t _stop_. Liam’s nails dug into Theo’s hip bones, and Theo made a noise in the back of his throat that _could’ve_ been a moan, and he _felt_ Liam’s smirk. And Theo lifted a hand, cupped the back of Liam’s neck and pulled him _closer_ , because that’s _all_ he _needed_ , felt like _nothing_ else mattered at the moment. But even _they_ needed to breathe, and they eventually broke apart, panting against each other’s lips. 

Theo slowly opened his eyes to find Liam already staring at him, and he was still close enough that Theo could _feel_ Liam’s lips pull up into a small smile, but then the beta pulled back. 

“Was that okay?”

Theo _groaned_ , dropping his head on Liam’s shoulder, and Liam started shaking, and Theo could tell he was silently laughing. 

“What’re the odds that everyone in the other room respected our privacy for once and _didn’t_ hear everything that just happened?” Theo asked, and Liam started shaking harder.

“ _Zero_ ,” a voice called out from the other room, and Theo groaned again, yelling out a _fuck you, Brett_ as he turned his head and pressed his face into Liam’s neck. 

Liam wrapped his arms around Theo’s waist, and they stood there, for _god_ knows how long, but Theo couldn’t complain, and he closed his eyes and let his mind stay _blissfully_ blank as Liam’s scent enveloped him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, so quick note if anyone is interested in it at all lol: I've noticed that something I tend to do in fics is after Theo gets rescued, everyone is all happy, and everything gets fixed so easily, and that's just... not realistic, especially with who these characters are. 
> 
> And the scene with Scott, Theo, and Stiles at Scott's house is probably my favorite scene of the fic, because of how emotional and raw it is, and it was also the one that took the longest to write, because of how many times I rewrote it to try and get it exactly to where I wanted it. There are times where Stiles sounds a little insensitive in that scene, and honestly, it’s because he _can_ be at times, it’s pretty obvious in the show, but he is trying to help, despite the way it comes out. 
> 
> I hope this felt a little more realistic, and I hope you guys liked it❤️


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